.
My courage consisted in destroying all the usual reasons for living and discovering others. The discovery was made slowly.
The Thief's Journal, p. 175
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Dec 31, 2010
2010 self-portrait:
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let the rituals begin!
here they are in all their humble glory. every notebook i filled this year, in order; the most accurate portrait of me there could ever be. happy new year! :)
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let the rituals begin!
here they are in all their humble glory. every notebook i filled this year, in order; the most accurate portrait of me there could ever be. happy new year! :)
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Dec 29, 2010
required reading
i am making a shepard's pie and, after i stuff myself full of said deliciousness, i am going to lay down with my notebook and my beautiful Jean Genet. i am going to write and read and write and read until i fall asleep. and oh, what a perfect diamond this man is! i must get a copy of Wojnarowicz's autobiography as a follow up. these men, born in to tragedy, who led tragic lives but managed to create an avenue of transcendence, a way to take the shit of life and mold it in to such an uncommon Beauty. i'm grateful for them. i'm grateful for their sensitivity and tenacity and ferocity. i'm grateful for all the writers in my life. endlessly so. more and more and more.
?
.
i love the text printed across the front of the magazine; the confused question: you want me to say who i am? and as i read it, i feel the same curious pull inside my brain, wondering which title she will present. fashion model? daughter? so and so's girlfriend? woman? human?
my titles are shifting. i would not be sure how to answer this question if it were posed to me. i would shuffle my feet and look away, blush a bit, shrug my shoulders, get misty eyed for the titles i no longer carry... and the titles that have had a number placed on their days.
i am deeply sad. i'm not sure what is and is not okay to talk about here. i'm not sure how much of myself should be ante-ed up here. i don't know where the line is and i don't know what is expected of me... as a daughter. as a particular person's daughter. i don't know how silent i should be.
there is a massive tragedy going on in my family.
that's all i feel comfortable saying right now.
the new year will happen in 2 days. i have been writing and working almost constantly. i am getting antsy. i'm not waiting for the new year to actually start making good on my resolutions, i just want the ritual. i love the ritual. as if the day isn't real unless it is crowned. a coronation.
.
i love the text printed across the front of the magazine; the confused question: you want me to say who i am? and as i read it, i feel the same curious pull inside my brain, wondering which title she will present. fashion model? daughter? so and so's girlfriend? woman? human?
my titles are shifting. i would not be sure how to answer this question if it were posed to me. i would shuffle my feet and look away, blush a bit, shrug my shoulders, get misty eyed for the titles i no longer carry... and the titles that have had a number placed on their days.
i am deeply sad. i'm not sure what is and is not okay to talk about here. i'm not sure how much of myself should be ante-ed up here. i don't know where the line is and i don't know what is expected of me... as a daughter. as a particular person's daughter. i don't know how silent i should be.
there is a massive tragedy going on in my family.
that's all i feel comfortable saying right now.
the new year will happen in 2 days. i have been writing and working almost constantly. i am getting antsy. i'm not waiting for the new year to actually start making good on my resolutions, i just want the ritual. i love the ritual. as if the day isn't real unless it is crowned. a coronation.
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Dec 26, 2010
luxury
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the rain beats the roof. a storm covers our country. i have stolen the hours of this day for reading, spending the length of this day in bed with the gorgeous thief himself. jean genet is one of the most lyrical, beautiful writers i have ever read. he is not excessive or flowery, but abundant. a skilled lover. no touch is wasted. everything is necessary.
.
the rain beats the roof. a storm covers our country. i have stolen the hours of this day for reading, spending the length of this day in bed with the gorgeous thief himself. jean genet is one of the most lyrical, beautiful writers i have ever read. he is not excessive or flowery, but abundant. a skilled lover. no touch is wasted. everything is necessary.
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Dec 25, 2010
out with the old
last night when i got home from work i made Dump Cake for dinner. my mother's recipe. i must get the one for no-bake cookies from her soon. these are things that i absolutely must learn. and the sooner the better.
we woke up and had more cake for breakfast. J made philly cheese steaks for dinner. i talked to my mom on the phone and then went through my closet yanking out things i haven't worn in two years, things i'll never wear again, and began a collection for the Goodwill. more than half my closet is in a big black garbage bag now, and a good portion of the contents of my dresser. it's funny the things we hold on to. the things we no longer need or even like. they are with us because that's their role. to stay in one place. to stay where we left them. to stay put and don't move. today i am picking them up and moving them out. may they find a better, more worthy abode. this is my christmas and i think it is a very good one. instead of adding, i am subtracting. and in between all this, i've been reading Repat Blues blog and scribbling in my notebook. as soon as we entered december i can't seem to spend enough time there. my notebook has become my real life. a chrysalis maybe.
lately i also can't seem to stop fantasizing about going blonde and wearing red lipstick and jo malone perfume. orange blossom or french lime. sometimes i walk through Neiman Marcus in Union Square just to stop and get a squirt of the stuff. the scent is so wonderful it borders on addictive. my friend scored a small vile for me and i can't stop smelling it. such an extravagance for me! i've been wearing it every day knowing how sad i'll be when i run out. i'll have to schedule walk-throughs at the department store again. ha!
there is just one week left on the calendar. i am amazed by that. what a swift pace this year kept.
tonight, we listen to the rain.
we woke up and had more cake for breakfast. J made philly cheese steaks for dinner. i talked to my mom on the phone and then went through my closet yanking out things i haven't worn in two years, things i'll never wear again, and began a collection for the Goodwill. more than half my closet is in a big black garbage bag now, and a good portion of the contents of my dresser. it's funny the things we hold on to. the things we no longer need or even like. they are with us because that's their role. to stay in one place. to stay where we left them. to stay put and don't move. today i am picking them up and moving them out. may they find a better, more worthy abode. this is my christmas and i think it is a very good one. instead of adding, i am subtracting. and in between all this, i've been reading Repat Blues blog and scribbling in my notebook. as soon as we entered december i can't seem to spend enough time there. my notebook has become my real life. a chrysalis maybe.
lately i also can't seem to stop fantasizing about going blonde and wearing red lipstick and jo malone perfume. orange blossom or french lime. sometimes i walk through Neiman Marcus in Union Square just to stop and get a squirt of the stuff. the scent is so wonderful it borders on addictive. my friend scored a small vile for me and i can't stop smelling it. such an extravagance for me! i've been wearing it every day knowing how sad i'll be when i run out. i'll have to schedule walk-throughs at the department store again. ha!
there is just one week left on the calendar. i am amazed by that. what a swift pace this year kept.
tonight, we listen to the rain.
Dec 24, 2010
dang!
.
all is right in the world today:
waking to a letter of appreciation and love of one of my paintings that made me get all misty-eyed and overwhelmed with gladness, then a gift at the door from a friend of mine way off on the other side of the country. he even stuffed one of his favorite t-shirts in the box which i am happily wearing right this minute because it smells like him and i love him. i haven't seen him in the flesh almost 8 years and that makes my heart hurt like a motherfucker. but today we promised each other we'd run away like little girls together one day. ha! holding hands and whispering secrets in each others ears and wearing matching converse high tops. i sure do love you, jose. <3 and i miss you like crazy.
how did i get so lucky all of a sudden? what lost star finally found its way home to my orbit? i am left breathless and smiling.
((((BIG HUG))))
all is right in the world today:
waking to a letter of appreciation and love of one of my paintings that made me get all misty-eyed and overwhelmed with gladness, then a gift at the door from a friend of mine way off on the other side of the country. he even stuffed one of his favorite t-shirts in the box which i am happily wearing right this minute because it smells like him and i love him. i haven't seen him in the flesh almost 8 years and that makes my heart hurt like a motherfucker. but today we promised each other we'd run away like little girls together one day. ha! holding hands and whispering secrets in each others ears and wearing matching converse high tops. i sure do love you, jose. <3 and i miss you like crazy.
how did i get so lucky all of a sudden? what lost star finally found its way home to my orbit? i am left breathless and smiling.
((((BIG HUG))))
Dec 22, 2010
i am smiling at you.
work work work work work. and with it, a return to my true self. an embrace of a previous piece. something i lost or was stolen or slipped away without my notice or was just plain ol' beat the fuck out of me during the passed few rough years. because haven't the passed few years been exceptionally rough for all of us? it sure seems like it. and there was some damage to acquire and then some damage to repair... and now, such a deep, soothing sigh in my day. and elation! i wake up and make myself a super hot english breakfast tea and head back to bed with my notebook. i wake up early just to luxuriate in the divinity of The Long Morning. i write and write and write.
there, on the page, is where i catch myself. it is where i create myself. those crisp blue lines have held me for years. ever since i learned to write. and even before that! as a very small child i use to scribble loops across the lines of my father's yellow legal pads. i'd pretend i was writing a magnificent novel. i'd daydream of waterfalls and falling stars and all those romantic things children daydream about as i scribbled my way across line after line, page after page.
paper is my birth place. it is my origin. and so i minimize the role The Long Morning plays by calling it a luxury. it is, in fact, a necessity. i need it and appreciate in ways i cannot even begin to describe. it is one of the few things i can simply not go without at this point in my life. and now, this season of busy labor and steep activity finds me, but i have not lost the pleasure/necessity of The Long Morning. i make time for it. always. i wake up as early as i need to. and that's where i am on days when i have nothing to say publicly here. on days when i put up a photo or video, know that i am still smiling at you and that these images are themselves an extension of my exploration. this Return i am experiencing... this Renewal (?????) is full of unknown corners and foreign sounds, songs, images, whispers, echos. my fingers are flying across pages and strings of yarn and sticks of graphite. i feel like i am in love with so many things. ecstatic and curious and unapologetic. it feels so damn good- this high level of freedom inside my practice. scribbling my way toward something better than what i've had. maybe... better than what i've allowed myself?
busy is good. i find a piece of myself that i haven't had in years. like a hug from an old friend, i rush toward this Return, this girl, this life. this! this! this!
there, on the page, is where i catch myself. it is where i create myself. those crisp blue lines have held me for years. ever since i learned to write. and even before that! as a very small child i use to scribble loops across the lines of my father's yellow legal pads. i'd pretend i was writing a magnificent novel. i'd daydream of waterfalls and falling stars and all those romantic things children daydream about as i scribbled my way across line after line, page after page.
paper is my birth place. it is my origin. and so i minimize the role The Long Morning plays by calling it a luxury. it is, in fact, a necessity. i need it and appreciate in ways i cannot even begin to describe. it is one of the few things i can simply not go without at this point in my life. and now, this season of busy labor and steep activity finds me, but i have not lost the pleasure/necessity of The Long Morning. i make time for it. always. i wake up as early as i need to. and that's where i am on days when i have nothing to say publicly here. on days when i put up a photo or video, know that i am still smiling at you and that these images are themselves an extension of my exploration. this Return i am experiencing... this Renewal (?????) is full of unknown corners and foreign sounds, songs, images, whispers, echos. my fingers are flying across pages and strings of yarn and sticks of graphite. i feel like i am in love with so many things. ecstatic and curious and unapologetic. it feels so damn good- this high level of freedom inside my practice. scribbling my way toward something better than what i've had. maybe... better than what i've allowed myself?
busy is good. i find a piece of myself that i haven't had in years. like a hug from an old friend, i rush toward this Return, this girl, this life. this! this! this!
Dec 21, 2010
Dec 20, 2010
inhale, exhale.
holiday retail job. painting commission. 4 days of non-stop rain. 2 shows at the end of january. preparations are being made. late nights. early mornings. no time to read. writing in parking lots. new year's resolutions list currently being made. counting the days. hang in there, friends. we will make it through.
Dec 17, 2010
Dec 16, 2010
also...
i've been very attracted to religious paintings lately. especially the work of Hans Memling. it's just so sad and romantic, dark and beautiful. compelling. there is music in it. and i want to lay on the floor below these paintings, let the vermilion shine and spill on to my hands, my face, soak my shirt. this is color done right! i want to be haunted by that strange, tiny angel in black at the nativity. i want Mary to rub my face with that cloth that has absorbed Christ's image. i want her to wrap me up like a baby, let the wind catch in the corners of the linen and flap like a crow against my body. these paintings are churches unto themselves. these are rooms. these are prayers and hymns made physical.
the painting at the bottom is "Christ Giving His Blessing" and is housed inside the Norton Simon in Pasadena, Ca. it is my favorite painting in their collection. i have a small postcard of it. if you have a chance to go see it, do.
the painting at the bottom is "Christ Giving His Blessing" and is housed inside the Norton Simon in Pasadena, Ca. it is my favorite painting in their collection. i have a small postcard of it. if you have a chance to go see it, do.
happy thursday
i am hoping for sun, that this drizzle will burn off our windows and evaporate, make clouds for airplanes to slice through and blow off in another direction. just for today, my day in the city. my beloved role as Girl Thursday at Slingshot.
such a hope finds me there. all day i get to sit in that huge room with beautiful work on the tall walls! and all the flowers! i have not met a grouchy person yet. it is impossible, i think, to be interested enough in art to walk in to a gallery of your own free will and then be a total sour puss. it even works on me. my anxieties melt as i cross the bridge in to San Francisco, as that beautiful skyline comes in to view, as i navigate the one-way streets, as i unbolt the door. such a hope and such a deep, calm happiness. unexpected and absolutely cherished. i dig my heels in to the pleasure of this the very second i am through the door.
come see me. :)
such a hope finds me there. all day i get to sit in that huge room with beautiful work on the tall walls! and all the flowers! i have not met a grouchy person yet. it is impossible, i think, to be interested enough in art to walk in to a gallery of your own free will and then be a total sour puss. it even works on me. my anxieties melt as i cross the bridge in to San Francisco, as that beautiful skyline comes in to view, as i navigate the one-way streets, as i unbolt the door. such a hope and such a deep, calm happiness. unexpected and absolutely cherished. i dig my heels in to the pleasure of this the very second i am through the door.
come see me. :)
Dec 15, 2010
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it is a puzzle. the kind where pieces are lined up and pushed in place according to what feels right, which pieces feel at home with each other, next door to each other, the odd back and forth dance of finding where the line is. the line between this and that. that velvet, that blur. and of course every question feels inadequate. they fall so short of the mark. where are all the arrows, flung far and hitting the red heart of the target dead-on?
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it is a puzzle. the kind where pieces are lined up and pushed in place according to what feels right, which pieces feel at home with each other, next door to each other, the odd back and forth dance of finding where the line is. the line between this and that. that velvet, that blur. and of course every question feels inadequate. they fall so short of the mark. where are all the arrows, flung far and hitting the red heart of the target dead-on?
.
i sat down with my tea, back in bed with my notebook, in the early morning. black outside. steam and honey in my cup. i scribbled the date - Dec. 15th - and my pen moved no further as i realized there are only 2 weeks left in this month: only 2 weeks left in this year. and i have only just taken a breath. i have only just had a short rest. i look up and we are on to the next thing. i am not complaining. i have finally learned how Good it is to be busy.
life is changing. it has too.
i am changing right along with it.
even this blog is changing. and i guess that makes perfect sense: as i change so do my expressions. i am in an in-between, something of a transition or transformation. and i feel encouraged by this. bare with me while this mirror wobbles and attempts to show my reflection again.
and in the meantime, i twist up new roses and lay the oil down, speeding toward the new year with as much strength as i can muster. we're almost there. finish strong.
life is changing. it has too.
i am changing right along with it.
even this blog is changing. and i guess that makes perfect sense: as i change so do my expressions. i am in an in-between, something of a transition or transformation. and i feel encouraged by this. bare with me while this mirror wobbles and attempts to show my reflection again.
and in the meantime, i twist up new roses and lay the oil down, speeding toward the new year with as much strength as i can muster. we're almost there. finish strong.
Dec 14, 2010
Dec 13, 2010
elated
the opening friday night was wonderful. and insane! it was so packed with people the gallery got hot! :D and that's 3000 square feet of tremendously high ceiling space we're talking about! it was amazing! the art-going public in san francisco rarely disappoints. they come out in droves and love to laugh and smile and join in the fashion parade too. it's impossible for a people-watcher to be bored here. if you're bored in san francisco you might have sadly been born without a capacity for joy.
i've been lost in my elation even since. :)
and i finally got to meet the sweet and talented and absolutely adorable artist Amanda Smith. if you don't know her work you are missing out! it is fantastic! gorgeous! and with a splash of darger on it that is unexpected and beautiful and just so intriguing! it was so wonderful getting to speak with her and we totally had one of those cute and awesome moments when you meet an artist who's work you love and you both say "I LOVE YOUR WORK!" at the exact say time! hahaha! :D i am so happy to have work on the same wall as her.
and this morning, dark and early, i took the first steps toward a few new year's resolutions and enrolled in spring classes. german and ceramics. i'm probably one of the extreme few art-nerds who, in high school, did not take 2 years of ceramics. i think i had one semester and then focused on drawing and poetry as my electives. anyway, i've been wanting to learn how to make crazy plates to hang on the walls for a couple years now so i figured why not now? especially after getting up close and personal with Amanda's work and seeing how beautiful ceramic art truly is. and the same goes for learning german. so many of my favorite artists and writers are from germany and austria. i'd love to be able to read the work of elfriede jelinik and herta muller in the original. though the translations are absolutely beautiful, it is apparent that some soul has been lost. and so here we go! i'm a bit nervous but also very excited! it's been a goal of mine for a very long time.
the month that stands between now and my first day of class is going to fly by in a crazy, wonderful blur of work and art. in the middle of the reception, Freya and i were already working out a plan for the january exhibition. :)
i am stunned by all that has happened and is happening.
i've been lost in my elation even since. :)
and i finally got to meet the sweet and talented and absolutely adorable artist Amanda Smith. if you don't know her work you are missing out! it is fantastic! gorgeous! and with a splash of darger on it that is unexpected and beautiful and just so intriguing! it was so wonderful getting to speak with her and we totally had one of those cute and awesome moments when you meet an artist who's work you love and you both say "I LOVE YOUR WORK!" at the exact say time! hahaha! :D i am so happy to have work on the same wall as her.
and this morning, dark and early, i took the first steps toward a few new year's resolutions and enrolled in spring classes. german and ceramics. i'm probably one of the extreme few art-nerds who, in high school, did not take 2 years of ceramics. i think i had one semester and then focused on drawing and poetry as my electives. anyway, i've been wanting to learn how to make crazy plates to hang on the walls for a couple years now so i figured why not now? especially after getting up close and personal with Amanda's work and seeing how beautiful ceramic art truly is. and the same goes for learning german. so many of my favorite artists and writers are from germany and austria. i'd love to be able to read the work of elfriede jelinik and herta muller in the original. though the translations are absolutely beautiful, it is apparent that some soul has been lost. and so here we go! i'm a bit nervous but also very excited! it's been a goal of mine for a very long time.
the month that stands between now and my first day of class is going to fly by in a crazy, wonderful blur of work and art. in the middle of the reception, Freya and i were already working out a plan for the january exhibition. :)
i am stunned by all that has happened and is happening.
Dec 12, 2010
Dec 11, 2010
Dec 10, 2010
"we are already ghosts"
her last post, very much a memento mori, bring shivers and shakes and that familiar, sad pull of helplessness. the hum in the back of your throat, the unanswerable why? i found out from rebecca yesterday that poet cami park has died. the news made my hands shake. i valued her and her work and her presence her in blogland. she and i had corresponded a few times and i sent her one of my prints and she had blogged about my work... i really, truly, deeply liked her. i wanted to know her better...
rebecca wrote a shivering post about cami's death. and then this morning, another post reminding us that the connections we make here in this strange world of text and light are just as real as the connections we make in the physical realm. maybe even more real, more true sometimes.
all these reminders recently of mortality, the shortness of time, the quickness, the rush, the spin. and illness. the tragedies that find us all, unbeckoned and unapologetic. my heart tears to pieces for her daughter. for her friends and family. for anyone who knew her and respected her. this, as winter rolls in. colder now because of her loss.
time is short. too short not to make as much art as you can and as many poems as you can and to fling these loves and fears and questions in to the world. too short to give too much of a fuck what others might say. do your best and GO.
i carry the sweet girl's name and words with me today, tonight, and on and on.
rebecca wrote a shivering post about cami's death. and then this morning, another post reminding us that the connections we make here in this strange world of text and light are just as real as the connections we make in the physical realm. maybe even more real, more true sometimes.
all these reminders recently of mortality, the shortness of time, the quickness, the rush, the spin. and illness. the tragedies that find us all, unbeckoned and unapologetic. my heart tears to pieces for her daughter. for her friends and family. for anyone who knew her and respected her. this, as winter rolls in. colder now because of her loss.
time is short. too short not to make as much art as you can and as many poems as you can and to fling these loves and fears and questions in to the world. too short to give too much of a fuck what others might say. do your best and GO.
i carry the sweet girl's name and words with me today, tonight, and on and on.
Dec 9, 2010
lucky :)
yesterday, while a hard and mean rain came down, i sat in the gallery space and finished my drawing and installation for the december show at Slingshot. the pic up top is a detail shot of the 300 crochet roses that comprise a large work titled Worry Roses (for my mother, for myself). it is the 2nd of its kind. you can see the first here.
i feel honored and lucky to have a space where i can do this kind of work.. where this kind of work is encouraged and supported and seen as relevant. it wakes something up in me. something i somehow lost... knowing that this kind of work IS WORK. so many hours goes in to work like this. hand cramps and a numb ass too. ;) but it's all worth it. when the final rose went up, i layed my hands and face against the piece and relaxed myself in to its scent and softness and listened to the rain come down, the city traffic, and mariachi from down the street.
come see her tomorrow night. we are taking part in the Mission Holiday Block Party so the reception goes until 9pm. doors open at 6.
Temple of Flora @ Slingshot Gallery890 Valencia @ 20th
San Francisco
i feel honored and lucky to have a space where i can do this kind of work.. where this kind of work is encouraged and supported and seen as relevant. it wakes something up in me. something i somehow lost... knowing that this kind of work IS WORK. so many hours goes in to work like this. hand cramps and a numb ass too. ;) but it's all worth it. when the final rose went up, i layed my hands and face against the piece and relaxed myself in to its scent and softness and listened to the rain come down, the city traffic, and mariachi from down the street.
come see her tomorrow night. we are taking part in the Mission Holiday Block Party so the reception goes until 9pm. doors open at 6.
Temple of Flora @ Slingshot Gallery890 Valencia @ 20th
San Francisco
Dec 8, 2010
Dec 7, 2010
Dec 6, 2010
busy is good
i just finished crocheting the last 25 roses for my wall installation at Slingshot which i will begin installing tonight. there are 300 roses total. it's a big piece. and inviting. the last time i made one of these (first and only, actually. until now.) people would walk up to the wall and lay against the roses. :) i'm excited to see the piece installed and may go ahead and work through the night to get it done. once it's up, i can focus all my attention on the new painting.
my schedule is completely irregular these days. so be it. i'm still getting everything done that i need to, it's just at different times of the day than it usually is. still running, still working, still getting good sleep, but i am in a race against the end of the year and I WILL WIN.
my schedule is completely irregular these days. so be it. i'm still getting everything done that i need to, it's just at different times of the day than it usually is. still running, still working, still getting good sleep, but i am in a race against the end of the year and I WILL WIN.
Dec 1, 2010
DECEMBER!!!!!! DUDE!!!!
wheredidnovembergo??????wheredidtheyeargo???????ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!
but it sure has been a good ride. :) i mean it. for all the ups and downs and twists and turns and being of extra-humble means this year, 2010 has been pretty great. and it continues to be great as we move in to the home stretch. i've been so busy with the projects i've got going and trying to get them all wrapped up beautifully within the next four weeks. thankfully i've been a very good girl and the finish line is in sight. the next few days though might be kinda brutal. november just disappeared and december has begun and there is the december show to install at Slingshot in a few days. EEEK!!! i thought i had another 2 weeks to get my projects for new show finished! NOPE! good thing i've been working my tail off and am definitely on-time production wise, i'm just stunned how quickly our first month in the space went! tomorrow, i sit the gallery and, in terms of this particular exhibition, it's the last time you can see it and me at the same time so, if you haven't made it down yet, i'd love to see you. it'll be up until saturday for sure but i think we're taking all the work down on sunday.
also, i just finished my packet for one of the residencies i've been dreaming of and not a moment too soon. the post-mark "Due By" is tomorrow. hahahaha! and it's not like i waited until the last minute either. i've been arranging and re-arranging and writing and re-writing for WEEKS. this is why deadlines are actually a good thing: i could torture myself with this application forever.
and in other news, i'm actually really liking my new day-job. it's quite a change. i've never worked in a clothing store before. it's actually pretty fun. this particular shop has a really great group of people in it and they are all around my age which is FANTASTIC! i was afraid that i'd be the dinosaur in a group of 19 year olds. i definitely don't ever want to find myself in the "mother hen" role. no no no definitely not. i've been a second mother and the results are fairly fucked up so that's really not a role i ever want to inadvertently stumble in to again or acquire by default as the elder female in the group. gross. because i still feel 19 years old half the time myself. still stunned by the world and its events, still confused more often than i'd like to admit. but i'm learning that's the way it is for everybody: constant change and consistently struggling (in one form or another), and the struggles of 2010 have actually been what's made it so great. i've learned a lot and come through a lot and i feel more like myself than i have in a very long time. it's a wonderful feeling.
i'm rambling on and on now. time to put this post away and get myself to the post office before it closes so that i can send off my big envelope an entire day before the post-mark. hahaha!
but it sure has been a good ride. :) i mean it. for all the ups and downs and twists and turns and being of extra-humble means this year, 2010 has been pretty great. and it continues to be great as we move in to the home stretch. i've been so busy with the projects i've got going and trying to get them all wrapped up beautifully within the next four weeks. thankfully i've been a very good girl and the finish line is in sight. the next few days though might be kinda brutal. november just disappeared and december has begun and there is the december show to install at Slingshot in a few days. EEEK!!! i thought i had another 2 weeks to get my projects for new show finished! NOPE! good thing i've been working my tail off and am definitely on-time production wise, i'm just stunned how quickly our first month in the space went! tomorrow, i sit the gallery and, in terms of this particular exhibition, it's the last time you can see it and me at the same time so, if you haven't made it down yet, i'd love to see you. it'll be up until saturday for sure but i think we're taking all the work down on sunday.
also, i just finished my packet for one of the residencies i've been dreaming of and not a moment too soon. the post-mark "Due By" is tomorrow. hahahaha! and it's not like i waited until the last minute either. i've been arranging and re-arranging and writing and re-writing for WEEKS. this is why deadlines are actually a good thing: i could torture myself with this application forever.
and in other news, i'm actually really liking my new day-job. it's quite a change. i've never worked in a clothing store before. it's actually pretty fun. this particular shop has a really great group of people in it and they are all around my age which is FANTASTIC! i was afraid that i'd be the dinosaur in a group of 19 year olds. i definitely don't ever want to find myself in the "mother hen" role. no no no definitely not. i've been a second mother and the results are fairly fucked up so that's really not a role i ever want to inadvertently stumble in to again or acquire by default as the elder female in the group. gross. because i still feel 19 years old half the time myself. still stunned by the world and its events, still confused more often than i'd like to admit. but i'm learning that's the way it is for everybody: constant change and consistently struggling (in one form or another), and the struggles of 2010 have actually been what's made it so great. i've learned a lot and come through a lot and i feel more like myself than i have in a very long time. it's a wonderful feeling.
i'm rambling on and on now. time to put this post away and get myself to the post office before it closes so that i can send off my big envelope an entire day before the post-mark. hahaha!
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