these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.

my artist website is here.

Dec 25, 2010

out with the old

last night when i got home from work i made Dump Cake for dinner. my mother's recipe. i must get the one for no-bake cookies from her soon. these are things that i absolutely must learn. and the sooner the better.

we woke up and had more cake for breakfast. J made philly cheese steaks for dinner. i talked to my mom on the phone and then went through my closet yanking out things i haven't worn in two years, things i'll never wear again, and began a collection for the Goodwill. more than half my closet is in a big black garbage bag now, and a good portion of the contents of my dresser. it's funny the things we hold on to. the things we no longer need or even like. they are with us because that's their role. to stay in one place. to stay where we left them. to stay put and don't move. today i am picking them up and moving them out. may they find a better, more worthy abode. this is my christmas and i think it is a very good one. instead of adding, i am subtracting. and in between all this, i've been reading Repat Blues blog and scribbling in my notebook. as soon as we entered december i can't seem to spend enough time there. my notebook has become my real life. a chrysalis maybe.

lately i also can't seem to stop fantasizing about going blonde and wearing red lipstick and jo malone perfume. orange blossom or french lime. sometimes i walk through Neiman Marcus in Union Square just to stop and get a squirt of the stuff. the scent is so wonderful it borders on addictive. my friend scored a small vile for me and i can't stop smelling it. such an extravagance for me! i've been wearing it every day knowing how sad i'll be when i run out. i'll have to schedule walk-throughs at the department store again. ha!

there is just one week left on the calendar. i am amazed by that. what a swift pace this year kept.

tonight, we listen to the rain.

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