sick

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2 days without a voice.  i can't speak, my throat feels like it is exploding.  buy the big bottle of NyQuil and guzzle.  the craziest of dreams.  my body feels tingly.  online shopping at midnight.  i almost bought a pink sweatshirt that says ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK on the front of it from the movie Mean Girls.  that was a really good movie, actually.  my mind is all over the place.  i feel good right now because i feel as if my heart is absent, on vacation, lying in a hammock in the Bahamas, sipping a pina colada.  i want to be back in that tiny tiki lounge in new york with anne where we drank pina coladas and ate voodoo chips. i wore my white leather jacket.  i want to wake up tomorrow and feel better.  i want to wake up tomorrow and have my voice back. a rare day came when i had the entire house to myself - all 3 roommates gone -  and i could have lit up this place christmas day with my voice, singing to the rafters in hot, priviledged privacy, but instead i spent the day in bed undercover of all manner of drugs and with blazing red tonsils.  not even a squeek comes out. dreams crashing into dreams crashing into thoughts thoughts thoughts.  maybe i drank more NyQuil than i should have. in my delirium, it dawns on me:  i want to be someones favorite person.  maybe that's all anyone wants. 

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in the wee hours of christmas eve...

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one slow stitch at a time.


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out with the old

last night when i got home from work i made Dump Cake for dinner. my mother's recipe. i must get the one for no-bake cookies from her soon. these are things that i absolutely must learn. and the sooner the better.

we woke up and had more cake for breakfast. J made philly cheese steaks for dinner. i talked to my mom on the phone and then went through my closet yanking out things i haven't worn in two years, things i'll never wear again, and began a collection for the Goodwill. more than half my closet is in a big black garbage bag now, and a good portion of the contents of my dresser. it's funny the things we hold on to. the things we no longer need or even like. they are with us because that's their role. to stay in one place. to stay where we left them. to stay put and don't move. today i am picking them up and moving them out. may they find a better, more worthy abode. this is my christmas and i think it is a very good one. instead of adding, i am subtracting. and in between all this, i've been reading Repat Blues blog and scribbling in my notebook. as soon as we entered december i can't seem to spend enough time there. my notebook has become my real life. a chrysalis maybe.

lately i also can't seem to stop fantasizing about going blonde and wearing red lipstick and jo malone perfume. orange blossom or french lime. sometimes i walk through Neiman Marcus in Union Square just to stop and get a squirt of the stuff. the scent is so wonderful it borders on addictive. my friend scored a small vile for me and i can't stop smelling it. such an extravagance for me! i've been wearing it every day knowing how sad i'll be when i run out. i'll have to schedule walk-throughs at the department store again. ha!

there is just one week left on the calendar. i am amazed by that. what a swift pace this year kept.

tonight, we listen to the rain.

day off...

stayed up late last night drawing and crocheting, woke up late and when i opened my front door i found a package of home-made cookies from my mama! i love the postal system! i think the mail is one of the funnest, greatest things on earth. it's magical! :)

anyway, i'll finally have some new work to post here soon. i'm on an upswing- working hard and enjoying process. i finished a new territories piece last night (embroidery on paper) but didn't get it photographed today. i went on a hike with my dog instead and then spent a few hours at the bookstore. i got the new issue of Modern Painters and will curl up with it in bed soon, gotta keep up with theory and art stuff. and i was happy to see the art on the cover is a redacted document by Jenny Holzer - one of my all-time favorite artists and right up my alley!

i've put off christmas shopping yet again. it just seems silly this year and, lucky for me, my sweetie agrees. we've never really been big on forced expressions of anything. neither one of us enjoy the games that get played during the holidays. not to have too big of a bah-humbug moment but i really hate the feigned i-love-you's and all the lets-keep-in-touch stuff that comes along for the ride: sending cards to relatives you've not seen in years... what for? send cards and love to the people who you see on a routine basis and let them know how important they are. and with money being as tight as it is for everyone this holiday season, i am a huge supporter of a more DIY approach to gift-giving and get-togethers. i want to spend the day with the man i love, our dog, a few close friends, and drink hot chocolate. that's all i want for christmas. i want the day to feel good. i will definitely make sure i pick something up for my sweetheart just because i love him and there's a few things he's been wanting (mostly books) that for some reason he can't bring himself to go get and that i want him to have. other than that, family members and friends will be getting a piece of art in the mail. done. and what could be better than free art! i'd love to get some free art! in fact, if anyone wants to send me free art, please do! :) besides, in times like these when everyone's nervous about money and tense about the economy and unemployment, i think giving a handmade gift is definitely the way to go: from the heart and made with with love - that's christmas.