this unshakable loneliness

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crochet
angela simione, 2014


finished this just today.  :)

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exacerbating

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THE WAY YOU NEED TO BE LOVED   (exacerbating 1 & 2)
photo performance
angela simione, 2014


i finished the new blanket in the very early morning hours of january 1st.  i started it the day after i came home from germany 6 months ago.  it's amazing to see it finished.  it feels amazing to sleep below it, to hide from the sunlight that creeps into my room each morning, to dream below the teetering text that i have meditated on daily for half a year.

i can't set the idea down.  THE WAY YOU NEED TO BE LOVED.

how do i need to be loved?

how do you?

i am dumbfounded and compelled in the same breath.




i'm interested in finding the line between devotion and obsession, between catharsis and self-absorption.  i'm interested in the strange back and forth dance between these ideas...  the odd cadence contained in the image i made tonight of my naked self seated in front of an object in took so long to create, posed for the quick snap of a camera's shutter...  6 months caught inside the flutter of a split second...  devotion paired with instant gratification.

is my devotion soiled by my nudity?  does my body detract from the seriousness of the process of making a blanket entirely by hand?  does my skin somehow erase the beauty of my dedication?  the beauty of patience?  does my nudity compromise my talent for such faithfulness? and if so, why?  does the blur across my face help the matter?  does it ease the blow?  or am i exacerbating everything and making it even harder to find an answer to the question of  THE WAY YOU NEED TO BE LOVED?

do images like these make it harder for you to love me?

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day one

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i celebrated the first day of 2014 by getting another yarnbomb out in the world. happy new year, everybody.  :)  what way do you need to be loved?


18th street between mission and valencia in san francisco.

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in the wee hours of christmas eve...

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one slow stitch at a time.


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just the beginning

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over a year in production, The Blanket of DOOM is finally finished.   mostly.  a few small tweaks here and there, a few loose yarn ends to be woven in to the grain of stitches, and a ton of photographs to take before i can legitimately refer to this project as Done.  in fact, it could be quite some time before i see the end of this particular piece.  the photo up top signals what i envision for The Blanket: a life prior to finding itself on display in a gallery.  we'll see where we end up together.  :)

but it is a happy moment to see her in all her good glory.  so many long hours and evening spent hooking away at this piece.  it is an expression of dedication and faith that, even if imperfect, the idea was a good one and to chase it to the end.  there were plenty of times at the very beginning of this massive undertaking that i wanted to give up, unravel the entire thing, and focus on smaller projects.  there were plenty of weeks when i didn't touch her at all.  couldn't.  even hated the idea of working on her.  there were plenty of times when i dreaded the work that needed to be done.  it seemed so endless.  impossible. 

when i finally reached the half-way mark, my hope and strength returned and i felt committed to seeing the project through to the end regardless of how it turned out.  i no longer needed it to be any good and i just wanted to make the blanket for me.  i began to see it as a landscape...  a road...  a way to learn something deeper about who i am and the type of artist and human i want to be.  a poem to wrap myself in.

Lea had said to me once, "your work is so devotional."  her voice came back to me so many times while i worked on The Blanket.  what is Devotion?  what is it to devote oneself to something?  what does it require?  it comes down to an unspeakable trust.  i trust my work with all that i am and all that i've got.  i entrusted my entire life and self to it a long time ago and haven't questioned it since.  my road through this world might very well be different from others but it is a good one and my work has proven itself to be the very best map and guide.

the picture of me laying on top of the Blanket of DOOM was taken this morning in my kitchen.  she takes up the entire floor.   i'm 5'6".  each letter in DIE is taller than i am.   but the work has always been, and always will be, bigger than me and that has nothing to do with physical scale.  :)

 

so happy i could DIE

crochet

kingsize blanket

angela simione, 2013