sick

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2 days without a voice.  i can't speak, my throat feels like it is exploding.  buy the big bottle of NyQuil and guzzle.  the craziest of dreams.  my body feels tingly.  online shopping at midnight.  i almost bought a pink sweatshirt that says ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK on the front of it from the movie Mean Girls.  that was a really good movie, actually.  my mind is all over the place.  i feel good right now because i feel as if my heart is absent, on vacation, lying in a hammock in the Bahamas, sipping a pina colada.  i want to be back in that tiny tiki lounge in new york with anne where we drank pina coladas and ate voodoo chips. i wore my white leather jacket.  i want to wake up tomorrow and feel better.  i want to wake up tomorrow and have my voice back. a rare day came when i had the entire house to myself - all 3 roommates gone -  and i could have lit up this place christmas day with my voice, singing to the rafters in hot, priviledged privacy, but instead i spent the day in bed undercover of all manner of drugs and with blazing red tonsils.  not even a squeek comes out. dreams crashing into dreams crashing into thoughts thoughts thoughts.  maybe i drank more NyQuil than i should have. in my delirium, it dawns on me:  i want to be someones favorite person.  maybe that's all anyone wants. 

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survey says...

bronchitis. yick. i suffered from chronic bronchitis as a child and all the way through my teenage years. once a year, i'd be laid up for a minimum of a week due to this damn thing but i haven't had this bad a battle with it in at least 5 years. i'm at war right now guys and am only resurfacing from my self-induced NyQuil coma long enough to write this blog, take a shower, and snuggle with inga for a bit. for the past two days i've only managed to stay awake for about three hours at a stretch, sleep for four, wake up and drink more medicine and crash back out once the delirium takes hold. bear with me if i'm not making much sense right or if my grammar takes a trip to bizarro land.

in spite of this health horror, i have managed to get a bit of drawing done while i wait for enough sanity to work on the big painting:


missing (1)
7 1/2" x 5 1/2"
water-soluble graphite and gesso on paper
2009


missing (2)
water-soluble graphite, gouache, and gesso on paper
2009


together on my paint covered desk...


...they fill me with a strange happiness whenever i look at them. i stand at stare at them while i drink my morning coffee... a brew i should be avoiding right now but hey, i rarely make decisions based on shoulds. quite a few of my influences are evident in these two little darlings - Ellen Gallagher and the photographer Laurent Askienazy are probably the two most obvious. i'm always happy to see a touch of those whom i admire cropping up in my work. it makes me feel like i finally have a lineage to cling to, to call upon, to learn.