inhale, exhale.

holiday retail job. painting commission. 4 days of non-stop rain. 2 shows at the end of january. preparations are being made. late nights. early mornings. no time to read. writing in parking lots. new year's resolutions list currently being made. counting the days. hang in there, friends. we will make it through.

ugg...

christmas day my sweetie and i both woke up sick. the kind of sick that gets worse as you go forward through the day. and it's pretty much the same way today. we got out and did the grocery shopping. we needed orange juice and NyQuil. and i don't know where the last two days went... somewhere lost in the fog of mental congestion that seems to come along for the ride when one gets the flu... i suppose there was a holiday somewhere in there. ha! all this to say, i am currently shirking all responsibilities to lay around in footie pajamas and whine and eat carrot cake instead of fruit and i really want to watch Donnie Darko tonight and be lazy in front of the television and not do a damn thing at all other than that. maybe i'll make popcorn. greasy butter-loaded heart-clogging popcorn.

counting today, there are only 6 days left in the year. geez. too fast, kids. way too fast.

yum

potatoes boiling and brussel sprouts too and steaks in the broiler. garlic and pepper and butter across every inch of every thing. our home smells good. this week is all about cooking. comfort foods. none of that fancy stuff, just good ol' home-cooked deliciousness. and i don't mind one bit. i'm looking forward to my sweetie's christmas vacation- lazy days under quilts and watching movies, hiding and huddling together from the winter outside the windows. lazy days spent with Angela Carter- i just started The Infernal Desire Machines of Doctor Hoffman and am already hooked. lolling around in warmth and words and letting this strange, hard year wind itself down. i've had enough and am content now to wait it out. except when it comes to the paintings. 4 huge oils going now and it is quite the juggling act but happy and fun. i'm excited for where the work will go this coming year, where it will take me. i'm excited for so many things and looking forward to january 1st.

today...

hope everybody had a good halloween yesterday. i actually hid in my unlit house from all the children, letting my rottweiler bark her head off while i worked in the studio, and waited patiently for the dark and rain to drive the treat-or-treaters away. yes, my unwarranted and weird fear of strangers knocking on my door even extends to children... maybe i should take a closer look at that and figure out where that comes from. haha! strange.

but with one holiday done and the elections a few days away, a sweet sense of calm seems to be breezing through... and i am so thankful for it. whichever way the elections go, at least the anticipation and pressure will be off and we can all get back to our daily lives, work for the change we want to see in the world, and minimize the divide that separates us during election years. i'm sick of all the barking and brow-beating. it seems people forget how to practice effective communication skills in times like these, and forget how to practice active listening skills as well. there doesn't seem to be many spaces for actual attentive and intelligent discussion right now and it's terribly disappointing and draining.

but on the upside of things, i discovered the fatal flaw in my artist statement and now i know exactly what needs to be fixed! woohoo! i'd been referring to the edited book pages and drawn documents as "classified documents" when, in reality, what they are commonly referred to are "sanitized" or "redacted" documents! how i was unaware of this being that i watch so many shows and documentaries about serial killers is beyond me but was, nevertheless, a complete EUREKA moment, let me tell ya! and now, having the concept of sanitizing (and all that that word conjures and connotes) widens my practice is such a wonderfully inclusive and thoughtful way! the concepts of purity and cleanliness are so appropriate to what i've been trying to get at in this body of work! i'm so excited and inspired and ready to work even harder to really make the work shine and speak.