DECEMBER!!!!!! DUDE!!!!

wheredidnovembergo??????wheredidtheyeargo???????ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

but it sure has been a good ride. :) i mean it. for all the ups and downs and twists and turns and being of extra-humble means this year, 2010 has been pretty great. and it continues to be great as we move in to the home stretch. i've been so busy with the projects i've got going and trying to get them all wrapped up beautifully within the next four weeks. thankfully i've been a very good girl and the finish line is in sight. the next few days though might be kinda brutal. november just disappeared and december has begun and there is the december show to install at Slingshot in a few days. EEEK!!! i thought i had another 2 weeks to get my projects for new show finished! NOPE! good thing i've been working my tail off and am definitely on-time production wise, i'm just stunned how quickly our first month in the space went! tomorrow, i sit the gallery and, in terms of this particular exhibition, it's the last time you can see it and me at the same time so, if you haven't made it down yet, i'd love to see you. it'll be up until saturday for sure but i think we're taking all the work down on sunday.

also, i just finished my packet for one of the residencies i've been dreaming of and not a moment too soon. the post-mark "Due By" is tomorrow. hahahaha! and it's not like i waited until the last minute either. i've been arranging and re-arranging and writing and re-writing for WEEKS. this is why deadlines are actually a good thing: i could torture myself with this application forever.

and in other news, i'm actually really liking my new day-job. it's quite a change. i've never worked in a clothing store before. it's actually pretty fun. this particular shop has a really great group of people in it and they are all around my age which is FANTASTIC! i was afraid that i'd be the dinosaur in a group of 19 year olds. i definitely don't ever want to find myself in the "mother hen" role. no no no definitely not. i've been a second mother and the results are fairly fucked up so that's really not a role i ever want to inadvertently stumble in to again or acquire by default as the elder female in the group. gross. because i still feel 19 years old half the time myself. still stunned by the world and its events, still confused more often than i'd like to admit. but i'm learning that's the way it is for everybody: constant change and consistently struggling (in one form or another), and the struggles of 2010 have actually been what's made it so great. i've learned a lot and come through a lot and i feel more like myself than i have in a very long time. it's a wonderful feeling.

i'm rambling on and on now. time to put this post away and get myself to the post office before it closes so that i can send off my big envelope an entire day before the post-mark. hahaha!

snot nose

i am on the floor.

i have been floored by a very nasty bug.

a very nasty bug bit me and has not let me go.

ugg.

i guess all the excitement of late paired with winter rolling in gave me the ol' one two punch. i have been in bed for two days straight. i feel a lot better this morning than i did yesterday but even now, looking at the computer, my eyes and brain are wobbly. no good. i have a ton of work to do. sickness is never something that is ever timed very well. no one ever gets sick during the boring periods of life when nothing is scheduled and no one counting on them to be a magical (and responsible) person. so it goes. i will battle through. but today is a girl-on-the-couch day. i will not budge. i can at least get some crocheting done while i zone out in front of the TV. sick days are the only days when TV actually sounds rather nice to me. i will answer the call to be lazy and unaccountable to anything or anyone today, because tomorrow is an entirely different story. i took a job (part-time) in a clothing store and it begins tomorrow. hahaha! look at THAT luck! getting sick right in time to gain an actual Boss in my life. geez. wish me well and a speedy recovery, friends! in addition to joining the ranks of retail employees this holiday season, there is the december show at Slingshot i am working on and a new commission i just accepted. i am a busy girl. these sniffles must cease so i can get back to my fast, fearless, no nonsense pace.

big and beautiful life changes on the horizon...

for the past several weeks, my sweetheart and i have been talking A LOT about quality of life, goals, dreams, plans, etc. and the time has come to make a move on these things. we are currently at our two-year anniversary of moving out here to napa valley. and though many positives have come out of living in such a beautiful landscape, the truth is that there simply aren't many opportunities for artists out this way... or anyone really who isn't connected to the wine industry. i have to drive an hour and a half to participate in the san francisco art world. and it has definitely been an uphill battle to get to openings, be involved, be supportive of my own community, and be a recognized face in the scene. i'm actually amazed i've been able to get as much done as i have being this far away. and i miss my art school buddies more than i can say. gas money to the city isn't something i have to burn every single day. and so the decision has been made to get rolling again, get back to the hustle and bustle, back to the land of the living. i am so excited and happy that i almost can't stand it. i am relieved and hopeful. i miss my beautiful city by the bay. i miss having close access to museums and galleries. i miss everything about living close to a cosmopolitan place. every single thing. and so i've already been sending out resumes this morning. i can stand the long commute for a couple months until we have the cash saved up to move. besides, if everything is going well right now in new york at AAF, i'll have most of the money we need to make the transition. i'm just thankful we have a plan now, something to work toward together that we both want, that we both need.

and so in the spirit of hope and change, if you're in the SF bay area (or even near it) and you catch wind of something, please think of me and let me know. it doesn't need to be art related. i am quite the skilled custom framer though and also a very effective research assistant. i'm aiming for jobs that i actually want, first. it's always best to aim high rather than settle for what you know you can get... though, if need be, i will. i want to move back so bad that, if it comes down to it, i'll suck it up and wait tables again. it's worth it. completely.

in other news, i spent the entire day painting yesterday and the next 5 footer is almost done. i hope to get it wrapped up today after The Almighty Jog and a breakfast of raspberries and coffee. :) i must say... this recent wave of painting and drawing that has flooded in to me, out of me, all around me, clogging up the living room, makes me feel so good and alive. and writing writing writing too. life is good and i am soooooooo anxious to move forward again.

good morning. :)

a new road opens...

so now that my odd anniversary is officially over, i feel resolved and ready to take on the world once more. for the past several weeks, more and more, i've been feeling a very strong pull to get myself back out in to life in a more day-to-day kind of way... i.e. getting a day job. for as wonderful as being able to stay home and paint everyday may sound, it actually begins to get a bit suffocating. the walls start closing in and lonliness begins to set in. i'm a people person and i like having a reason to leave the house and join in the fun. and, truth be told, i've managed to have fun at pretty much every job i've ever held. maybe not so much when i worked as a maid, but even then i at least found joy in being around the people i worked with. i am sincere in my love and appreciation for humanity and i thrive when i have ample amounts of human contact. i really like people. i've never been one of those grouchy, tortured, hateful artist-types who love confining themselves to the solitude of the studio. never. even in school, i'd grab whatever it was i was working on and drag it to one of my buddy's studios and work there. i like being a part of a community. it makes me feel good and, i think, adds something a bit more insightful and delicate to the work in general. all this to say, i've made up my mind to be a worker-bee again. i'm just happier that was. i like being involved with more than the inner workings of my own mind and desires.

strange but good...

well, the day started simply enough... woke up at 6am, sat around drinking coffee and writing in my notebook for an hour, hopped in the shower, got dressed, and headed off to work. after clocking in and reading the note that had been left for me (detailing a project that had been handed off to me in spite of declining the promotion i was offered last week that working on this project would have been a requirement of), i'd decided i'd had my fill of being completely railroaded by corporate management. shortly after being hired, i realized that my particular skill set was being exploited more often than not - meaning i was not hired to do the jobs i was doing and i wasn't being paid accordingly either. today, it reached a point of such utter ridiculousness that i faced a pretty daunting ethical dilemma: stay and willfully, knowingly allow myself to be exploited further or leave and forfeit the financial security i've enjoyed for the past several months. not a comfortable situation to find oneself in.

i decided to make a call to a person higher up the chain in the corporate structure and explain what has been going on since the time of my hire and that i had declined the promotion i was offered just to find myself scheduled to do that exact job. i knew to expect the typical corporate double-talk but i didn't expect to be insulted over and over again by this person.

the result was that i ended up calling this person out on their rude and misguided perceptions of who i am, that the company has acted unethically, and that my expectation at that point was to receive the fair financial compensation that follows the job function i was currently performing. logical, right? well, logic has no place in corporate greed as evidenced by the current economic crisis we find ourselves in.

though this person then began to apologize for the things they had said, i was nevertheless told that it's my responsibility to do what i'm told to do, without question, and that they will pay me whatever they feel like paying me. that was the wrong answer and i quit on the spot. i was honestly shocked that this person would rather let a worthwhile and competent employee walk out the door rather than pay a few bucks more an hour. stunned, angered, but also extremely relieved to be done with this.

a few days ago, i posted a blog about the benefits of being a worker-bee. i still believe that there is a benefit to answering to a boss, maintaining a schedule, and being in an environment where a person can hone the practice of humility... but i would never suggest that a person allow themselves to be used, taken advantage of, or exploited by anyone for any reason. i will not operate from a position of fear, and though the art business is a risky one, i'd rather work day and night to make ends meet than be forced to cow tow to an unethical, abusive entity. no thanks.

when i got home, there was an email waiting for me from white columns. i held my breath. some months ago, i had applied for inclusion in their curated artist registry and their response had finally arrived. i was more than nervous to open the email because last year i'd opened a rejection. well, not today friends! YAY!!!! i am so happy and thankful and, when i think about all the positive changes and opportunities that have come my way lately, i'm really starting to think that right now is the right time to really make the biggest push i can to get my work out in to the world. i am no stranger to struggle and i am eager to pay my dues because when it comes right down to it, art is the most important thing in the world... it is the best that we can offer each other and i am endlessly proud of the fact that i have been given the opportunity to take part in the discourse.

the day was a strange one, full of unexpected turns and difficult decisions, but also some equally unexpected recognition and reward.

there are honest people out there and i'm glad to search them out and eliminate those who are not from my life. i am glad to do what it takes to be honorable, respectable, and ethical. i have no regrets about what happened today - i came home, put on some coffee, and got right to work on the new embroidered territories piece. i've been working for 6 hours on it and am ready for 6 more.

short and sweet... er, sour...

ugg. right when i get rolling in the studio, extra days at the jobby-job become the score. blarf. double blarf. extra blarf. and my feet are killing me.

day-job blues...

well... life happens, right? i've been getting more and more stressed out with my day-job lately and yesterday when i got home all i could manage to force myself to do was eat a bowl of cereal and go paint in my studio. no blogging, no writing, no talking, just silence and smearing around the paint. the easy, low-commitment gig i was seeking is starting to become pretty frustrating at this point but, given the state of the economy and the fact that the art-business is a fairly risky one, i don't want to up and quit just yet. it's been really nice to have some security in terms of paychecks and not really having to follow a budget since taking on this job. i don't want to give that part of it up, especially not right now when i know so many people who are out of work or are in danger of losing their jobs. it just doesn't seem smart. i can't let my feelings of frustration get the better of me... gotta keep looking at the big picture and practice patience and poise i suppose. i don't want to be fickle. besides, having a day-job is a great way of maintaining your humility. i never want to become too comfortable with being my own boss. for however wonderful that life is, it can also serve to skew your perceptions of self-worth and the value of what you do... in an over-inflated ego kind of way. no good. i think there's a tremendous benefit from being a worker-bee. i really do and i'm glad for the opportunity to remain humble. i see too many people who seem to have bought in to their own hype and it's just so unattractive. they become unprofessional and rude. they seem ungrateful for the recognition they receive and don't know how to politely accept compliments anymore. it's more than a bit disappointing to see this happen to artists and writers whose work i really admire... honestly, that kind of attitude sorta stops me from continuing to admire their work. i won't ever let myself become one of those people. EVER. besides, i'm not in this game as a fame-seeker anyway. that's the wrong motivation for art-work.

anyway, i've gotta start getting myself together for work. i just wanted to be sure to get a blog written beforehand so i don't risk missing another one simply because i'm worn out, frustrated, and discombobulated by my work day. :) hope everyone is doing well and feeling happy. angela

the customer is always right...

...except for when they're a crazy, abusive asshole! i'm sorry but there's relatively no excuse for being belligerent and mean to a person who is doing their job the way they were trained to do it.

my day-job is in custom framing. as with any type of custom work, it can get pretty expensive pretty fast. and due largely to the rise of identity and credit theft in this country over the past decade, the company i work for mandates that i ask for an ID whenever someone wants to pay by credit card.

now, i know in our swipe and run culture this practice has fallen largely out of favor... i can't even remember the last time someone asked to see my ID when i paid with plastic. nevertheless, it is for the cardholder's protection, plain and simple. well... i got ripped apart today for requesting to see a lady's driver's license. she apparently thought that by my asking to see ID i was implying the credit card she'd handed me wasn't hers' and that i thought she was a thief. lots of people are turned off by it but this lady hit the roof. i don't want to make too big a habit of cussing on my blog so i'm not gonna publish exactly what she said but let me assure you it was the most brutal experience i've had with a customer in my entire life. EVER! i actually had to leave the sales floor, go around to the back of the building, and cry for a minute. i'm one tough cookie, believe me. it was just that damn bad.

on top of that, i am one of the nicest, most professional, helpful, and knowledgeable people when it comes to the ins and outs of this particular industry. i know my job and i do it well. my designs and craftsmanship are both flawlessly stunning. that's just the simple truth. this chic was obviously having a bad day (possibly a bad month) and decided to take it out on me. it happens. but it doesn't make it okay.

by the time she left the shop, i could see she was starting to feel pretty ashamed of herself. other customers were staring at her in horror and disgust and i didn't lose my cool (until i was outside and out of view)... and you know, she should feel ashamed of herself. the crap that she said to me was not only needless but heartless. maybe one day when her credit card turns up missing she'll learn this lesson the hard way and feel thankful for honest people like me who care enough to check IDs... until then, she's out in the world giving hell to worker-bees that are just trying to do a good job. stupid.

i guess it's needless to say that i'm so relieved to be off the clock and back at home.

today...

8 hours on my feet = sore feet. :) but such is the life of a girl with big goals. i've gotten quite good at keeping my eye on the prize, throwing myself in to the task at hand, and shrugging off annoyances, nay-saying, and rejection. no matter what, i keep on trying, keep on plugging away, and i never loosen my grip on my master plan. it makes walking in the front door, finally home from a long day's work, so damn wonderful. my dog jumps around, wagging her tail so hard i fear she'll snap her spine, and fanatically licking in the air trying to reach my face. my sweetie gives me a hug and a kiss and asks about my day. all normal stuff that, for a very long time, i didn't have. there was a pretty long stretch when coming home wasn't a relief. it was something i dreaded... but we won't get in to that sort of stuff here. all this to say, i enjoy the simplicity of pulling up in the driveway and walking in to a warm, welcoming, art-filled home. i am thankful for it and amazed by it. the sore feet are merely a little reminder that i've done what i can to protect what i've got. and being met with an invitation to exhibit some work was definitely the cherry on top. nice! i'll post more about that in the coming weeks. all in all, everything is going pretty good these days.

simple pleasures...

finally home from a long, but good, days' work. my feet hurt and eyes are tired but i've got a big bowl of italian wedding soup in front on me (YUM!) and the rest of the night free to do with as i please.

i started a BIG embroidered territory last night and am eager to get a little bit done everyday. it is going to take a long time. really long. but it'll be gorgeous once it's done and i enjoy working on it regardless.

i've also got The Magic Toyshop to curl back up with tonight in bed. it is so good - exactly the kind of strange, gothic fairytale i was craving and amazingly well written. the first chapter - the imagery of Melanie wandering the night in her mother's wedding dress, too big for her 15 year old self, with cut up feet from the stones and thorns - was simply beautiful and spooky and charming. i feel instantly in love with this story from the first page. i'll write a book report for you guys once i finish. :) maybe.

i've got the next two days off from work so i'll have plenty of time to indulge my quaint desires as well as catch up on some long forgotten laundry and bumming around a few galleries. tonight though, i'm going to make myself a pot of coffee, wake back up, and get to work for the next few hours. maybe i'll do the days dishes. ah, probably not.