?

.





i love the text printed across the front of the magazine; the confused question: you want me to say who i am? and as i read it, i feel the same curious pull inside my brain, wondering which title she will present. fashion model? daughter? so and so's girlfriend? woman? human?

my titles are shifting. i would not be sure how to answer this question if it were posed to me. i would shuffle my feet and look away, blush a bit, shrug my shoulders, get misty eyed for the titles i no longer carry... and the titles that have had a number placed on their days.

i am deeply sad. i'm not sure what is and is not okay to talk about here. i'm not sure how much of myself should be ante-ed up here. i don't know where the line is and i don't know what is expected of me... as a daughter. as a particular person's daughter. i don't know how silent i should be.

there is a massive tragedy going on in my family.


that's all i feel comfortable saying right now.





the new year will happen in 2 days. i have been writing and working almost constantly. i am getting antsy. i'm not waiting for the new year to actually start making good on my resolutions, i just want the ritual. i love the ritual. as if the day isn't real unless it is crowned. a coronation.


.