finally!

remember the print edition i started weeks and weeks ago but never gave any updates about? well, that's because my lazy ass didn't finish it until today. ha! but after messing up quite a few, it's finally done and they all look so great. sadly, the edition isn't as large as i wanted it to be (i eliminated a whole slew off them that just weren't up to par - only 14 made the cut), but there's not one thing wrong with making a small edition. besides, working with glitter takes a lot more time than i realized...








every print in this edition is different (which is my favorite thing about this collection). i printed the houses in water-soluble ink and then splattered water on them. after drying, the fences were applied one by one in glitter, painted by hand. the idea here is that fences don't really offer any sort of protection. they're simply decorative, offering a pretty false sense of safety.




breach
11" x 15"
edition of 14
ink and glitter on paper
angela simione 2008

sunday...

...the day of rest. sort of. all my projects are now well in to the realm of painstakingly slow detail work and my goal of getting them all wrapped up by the new year is starting to seem a bit unrealistic. :) that's what i get for starting too many things at once, i suppose... a tendency that runs through my entire family. it's alright. they'll all be completed about the same time and i'll have tons of pictures to post. until then, i'll post pictures of other people's work! check out this work by artist Candice Lin:







totally creepy, totally gorgeous, work after my own heart! i love it! sadly, the gallery i found her through has closed it's doors but i was still so overjoyed to see this work. technically stunning, conceptually and emotionally engaging, amazing all the way around. Lin's work makes me what to get back to my days of pencil drawing and see what beautiful spookiness i can come up with.

more about WHY...

last night in bed, i couldn't stop thinking about my last post and the question WHY. it's been my belief for many years that all art is in some way a self-portrait, no matter what the work actually looks like or the form it takes. even something as simple as aesthetics (preferences) can be pretty telling about the person who makes the work... even if it's just something as simple as an affinity for certain colors and shapes. in my case, i'm obviously drawn to a more black and white approach within art-making. as far as i can remember, i've always loved the color black and, when i was a new painter, it was actually very hard for me to figure out how to work with it. it took years to get away from a very, very colorful palette. during that time, i rarely made a painting that i actually liked. they just looked so opposite from what i was feeling and thinking about. when i finally learned enough to be able to bring the work to a place where my ideas took charge and i could dictate the appearance of the paintings, i was overjoyed. i was finally making work that i liked looking at. the appearance of the work finally mirrored the driving force behind it: loss.

so picking up where i left off... WHY loss as an issue?

loss is a huge component within identity construction. things, people, experiences are largely defined by what they are not. the absence of something highlights what is present... and it doesn't always have to be a bad thing. sometimes the experience of loss is actually quite happy. for example: graduation day. you put in the time, do your homework, and pay your tuition bills. then one day you get to walk across a stage, shake hands with some big important dude from your school - whom you've never even seen before - and then become a graduate. and in this becoming, you lose what you were... a student at that school. you don't get to come back after the summer passes, you don't get to hang out with teachers and other students anymore (at least not in the way you had been), you are finished with that experience and it isn't going to repeat itself. the experience is gone. your memories of that time are what you get to keep. memories are a direct result of loss. and these losses (happy and sad) comprise a persons present state, outlook, and the way they conduct themselves. of course i'm simplifying the issue right now, everyone's experiences are different and effect us differently... but we have all experienced some form of loss and we can use those experiences to relate to one another, to understand the OTHER point of view, and to well up compassion for one another.

it's compassion that i'm after in the work... and sometimes, in order to create a space where compassion is possible, the brutality of the situation or experience of loss needs to shown without any softening or sugar on top. we live in a pretty jaded world, i've realized. our tolerance for horror is pretty high. we are Romans in that way. and the the thing we lose when we gain such an enormous tolerance for horror or trauma, is the ability to sympathize... to feel (or at least validate) the pain of The Other. so my work uses metaphor to get around this huge tolerance and come at uncomfortable issues from a different direction.

adorno's famous quote is "There is no poetry after Auschwitz", meaning that human kind had lost it's humanity. the losses experiences (anguish, torture, humiliation, murder)was so vast, so unexplainable and horrible, that beauty was no longer available... and that any attempt to make beauty was a slap in the face of those victimized and brutalized. i can see why this statement was made but, nevertheless, a huge percentage of those who survived the camps became poets themselves. words were what helped them survive, helped express their guilt about having survived when so many others had not. it was when i read the work of Paul Celan and Charlotte Delbo that the power and promise of metaphor as a way to build a bridge toward understanding and compassion became clear. my work is definitely not on the same level as theirs, never will be, but the lesson of how to communicate about loss, trauma, suffering came through: metaphor... a more poetic approach.

poetry exists even at the epicenter of destruction. it is a form of communication built from fragments, shards, remains... and is beautiful in spite of this. this beauty is what i chase.

that's why i deal with loss in my work.

the big question....

WHY?

why do i make the work i make? it's an entirely different question than asking me what my artist's statement is or what i think the work does. the question why is entirely personal. it asks me to talk about my work in a much more personal way and to not intellectualize it.

it's a hard answer to give.

we are taught, whether we realize it or not, to not express much emotion about our art. it's fine if emotion is in the work, but when artist's are asked to discuss their practice, it's usually an inappropriate moment to speak emotionally. and i agree with this to a large extent. it's not very professional to talk about your private horrors to a group of strangers. it makes the interaction very uncomfortable for whomever the audience is.

but...

every now and then...

i think there are moments when expressing the heart (your heart) of the work is not only appropriate but necessary. i love art. i love making art. i love learning about art, talking about art, eating, breathing, sleeping art. art, art, ART! so why not let people know WHY i love it and WHY i make it?

i know my work looks spooky. people tell me all the time and it doesn't offend me at all. i've even got a few friends who tell me that, in spite of liking my work, they just don't want it in their homes. :) but the reason i make the work isn't spooky or scary at all. it isn't conceptual or intellectual or academic...

i make the work i make in an attempt to bring comfort in to the lives of others - people who have known what it is to hurt, to be devalued, to have lost or are lost - and to let them know that they have a place, in these paintings, through these metaphors, where they can be understood and where compassion is possible. i make work in the hope that, somehow, these images of loss and trauma can become a site of hope themselves... a way to see what remains in spite of pain, a way to cultivate understanding and tenderness. the paintings are my way of saying "don't give up, keep trying, you are not alone in the world"... all intellectualism aside.

for however dark the work appears... sometimes it is only in the dark that we become fearless enough to be honest. honesty is neither ugly nor beautiful, but a combination of both. within this dark, hope is flowering, and healing takes place.

i make art because it is the only tool i've got to make sense of the wreckage and breed goodness. and it's a tool that i just can't seem to put down.

it heals me too.

quiet...

i really like the documentation of the redacted book page project i've been working on... in fact, i think maybe they could stand on their own as photographs. there's just something so simple and beautiful about these pictures. i think i might actually like them more than the object...
they're just so humble, austere... poetic.

book vs. film - The Piano Teacher

at the start of summer, i came across the book The Piano Teacher by Elfriede Jelinek at the used bookstore. a week later, i had finished the book, and had been left completely speechless by the story. for those of you who have yet to read it, i won't ruin it for you, but i will say that this story is one of the most disturbing, poignant, and affecting things i have ever read. months later, i am still so intrigued by this book and feel like it's something i need to read several times in order to really begin to understand the nuances and frailty of the human mind as a result of abuse, manipulation, and trauma... how good people go bad.

anyway, i ended up lending the book to my buddy heather, who is one of the most ferocious readers i've ever met, and shortly after we both discovered that the story had been made in to a film. based on our experiences with the book, we were both sort of scared to see the film. there are so many disturbing, traumatic events in the story of The Piano Teacher that i wasn't sure i'd actually be able to stomach seeing them portrayed on film. nevertheless, heather bought a copy (the director's cut, no less) and we watched it late friday night.

the biggest problem that the director was up against in converting the story to a screen play is that the first half of the book is pretty much one big inner monologue. 100 pages (at least) of thoughts, feeling, desires, and childhood memories that set the stage for understanding just how warped and abusive this particular mother/daughter relationship is and why the main character is so terribly broken. the background information supplied in the book was not dealt with at all in the film and ended up presenting the main character in a way that i don't think was at all fair to the story in general. the actress did a wonderful job with what she was given, but as a result, the reason for her insanity, need for degradation, punishment, and subjection was never dealt with. the character was merely presented as deranged (and in such an unsympathetic manner) which is NOT the point of the book. i was pretty let down by the film and, truth be told, if i hadn't known the story of The Piano Teacher and had randomly stumbled across this movie on showtime, i would've changed the channel. it was boring. as always, the book completely surpassed the film.

another little girl painting...

this piece is for the Hueliday show at HANG next month - a holiday show that celebrates color. and let me tell ya, it has been quite a challenge for me to allow color to come back in to the work! but i am endlessly thankful for the challenge. i think i've needed color in my life - at least a little bit - but for the past few months i have needed a more black and white approach to living for personal reasons. just something basic, bare bones, and unassuming, i suppose. but because of this show and having to commit to the color yellow, i've become a much more positive person and, though the work is still a bit morbid (i'm sure it always will be), i think a splash of color makes a huge difference and i'll be making the effort to include more color in future work. not as bright as this painting is, but i'll apply the lesson for sure.



lost
8" x 8"
oil on canvas
2008

always hopping on board at the last minute... but it seems to be working for me

yesterday was quite a day! absolutely wonderful, actually! i swung by SF Studio Gallery in San Francisco prior to going to the reception at HANG and managed to get two paintings in to the TINY exhibition they've got going on there. The show itself features an enormous amount of artwork - everything from paintings, to prints, to jewelry- all of which is under 7" x 7"... hence the name TINY.

Walking in to the gallery yesterday, it was such a treat to see the walls completely covered (salon style)in art. and Jennifer, the owner, is so sweet and smart and welcoming that i'm just so pleased to be working with her. here's one of the painting's she took:


little girls
6" x 4"
oil on canvas
2008

i've been trying, mostly without any real success, to get the little girls back in to my work for awhile now. but this past month, it's finally started happening for me and i am glad to see them again. i missed them... and maybe i'll continue to let them keep their heads this time around. :) no promises though.

and even though i DID bring the camera to the reception last night, i left it in my bag. i guess i'd just rather be part of the event than let a camera mediate my experience of the event. i like being in the mix, mingling with new people and having conversations. i was just having too wonderful of a time chatting with the other artists in the show to break away and shove a camera in their faces. i don't know, sometimes it seems taking pictures just ends up being the proof that you weren't really taking part. not that i don't love photography, i do! but i guess this is probably why i'm not a photographer.

technical difficulties...

well, it's been a rough last couple of days. our computer finally died... thankfully, i backed up all my files but i've yet to test to see whether or not it worked. we got a new computer last night (YAY!) and i hope i can get my images uploaded on to it. we'll see. it'll definitely suck to lose all my documentation but sometimes starting over from scratch can be a blessing: no baggage, nothing to compare yourself to, fresh start. it's not the worst thing that can happen. guess it's kinda good i was so lazy about photographing the huge pile of works on paper i've been adding to or i would've potentially lost all that documentation too. :) i'll get to that tomorrow. today we're heading out to the city for the private SFTLA reception for Who's the Fairest of Them All? and i am sooooo looking forward to it! it's a new group of people that i probably wouldn't have gotten the chance to meet if not for being able to participate in this show. i'll bring my camera with me (something i usually do not do at receptions) so i can share the excitement with you.


p.s.

still jogging! :)

sweat...

day 2 of jogging with my dog (which is totally wonderful for the both of us)! i used to be quite the dedicated little runner but one degree and 2 slipped disks later, i've sort of fallen of the wagon. but damn it feels good to be back at it! i was initially pretty worried that the jarring nature of jogging would send the dreaded (and highly painful) twinge of a potential slipped disk radiating up my spine and down my legs but i had no pain whatsoever and pretty minimal stiffness this morning from yesterday's jog. i think i'm in the clear! YAY! it's something that i've really missed doing. in the past, jogging really helped clear my mind, relieve stress, and gave me great sleep in edition to making me pretty buff. and i'm gung-ho about sticking with it now that my schedule is wide open. while i was in school (and working full-time), my health wasn't exactly a priority. i just didn't have the time for it - at least not in any kind of regular, meaningful way. i worked-out sporadically and, although something is better than nothing, it just wasn't all that beneficial. now that i've got the time to take care of myself, i'm going to. and while i was out there jogging today i figured out a few of the issues that are plaguing a certain painting i've got going and haven't been able to resolve. goodness all the way around.

no rest for the wicked! i mean, for the fairest...

maybe it was the excitement of the reception itself, and the unbridled good cheer and inspiration that lives in moments like those, but i just couldn't sleep. in spite of enthusiastically swilling my fair share of wine last night and getting home kinda late, i am up early, drinking coffee and ready to go to work in the studio.

the show looked amazing! i was so impressed with how well all the work (which is very different)fit together. KC Rosenberg and DJ Harmon did an amazing job curating this exhibition, they really did. and i felt so honored to be included in the show! my favorite piece in the exhibition is a gorgeous work on paper by KC herself:



believe it or not, that's actually acrylic paint! i swore i was looking at gouache but no! i don't know how she did it, but being able to make acrylic appear so matte and velvety is an amazing feat that i am wholly jealous of. and KC was so wonderful to talk to. she is such a friendly, good-humoured, and enthusiastic painter! i loved talking with her and felt sad that receptions are so short.

really, i had a wonderful time. a bunch of art-buddies showed up that i haven't seen much of in the passed 6 months since graduation and it was so great! i love them! and i miss them like crazy!!! in fact, it sort of reawakened my desire to go get my master's degree sooner than later. being in a tight-knit community of artists is such a wonderful experience and way to live your daily life! i miss it terribly... but i guess this is just the next phase of learning... making your own way and getting out there in a way that has more to do with sincerity and understanding than academic efficiency.

anyhow, i feel great! still high from the Obama victory too, i suppose: inspired, enthusiastic, full of faith and hope, and looking forward to undertaking the work that lays ahead.

HAPPY! HAPPY! HAPPY!

where to start! Obama got the vote, restoring my faith in the American people, and i couldn't be happier to see a man take office who is sincere, good-willed, amazingly in love with his wife and children, and who has such a deep and driven commitment to bringing forth a wonderful, sweeping wind of change through this country. i am ecstatic! overjoyed! renewed with hope and looking forward to the future! YAY!

and the first opening reception for Who's the Fairest of Them All? is tonight! i'm expecting a whole bunch of fellow CCA alums and teachers to be there and i am soooo looking forward to it! i can hardly wait and am trying to find creative ways to pass the time, none of which are really working. :)

exciting times, friends! i'm so glad about life! it's gonna be a wonderful day!

go vote! and make it stop raining while you're at it too please!

the big day is tomorrow! i'll be heading to the polls pretty early so that i can spend the majority of the day watching the election coverage on TV. even though Obama is ahead in the polls, i spent some time calling friends and family today making sure they're going to go vote and not leave it to chance that he'll win. i can only cast one ballot... there's no such thing as casting a vote for every body i know. and, well, people can get lazy at the most inopportune moments sometimes. it's important to participate in this and i hope everyone out there will somehow find the time to make it to a polling location despite having a busy schedule.

in other news, it is still raining. i think that makes it day 5. and to be perfectly honest... i hate the rain. i've always hated the rain. i mean, really, what's not to hate about it? i can't really be outside, definitely can't photograph any of the new stuff i've been working on, can't let my dog out or else she'll get the house all mudded up, it's horrible to drive in, etc, etc, etc. of course everyone else seems to love the rain... or at least not mind it too much. i don't even have that romantic appreciation of the rain tapping against your window at night while you drift off to sleep. nope, hate it. and as we head in to winter, i can expect more of it. boo! super boo!

i'll survive. :)

today...

hope everybody had a good halloween yesterday. i actually hid in my unlit house from all the children, letting my rottweiler bark her head off while i worked in the studio, and waited patiently for the dark and rain to drive the treat-or-treaters away. yes, my unwarranted and weird fear of strangers knocking on my door even extends to children... maybe i should take a closer look at that and figure out where that comes from. haha! strange.

but with one holiday done and the elections a few days away, a sweet sense of calm seems to be breezing through... and i am so thankful for it. whichever way the elections go, at least the anticipation and pressure will be off and we can all get back to our daily lives, work for the change we want to see in the world, and minimize the divide that separates us during election years. i'm sick of all the barking and brow-beating. it seems people forget how to practice effective communication skills in times like these, and forget how to practice active listening skills as well. there doesn't seem to be many spaces for actual attentive and intelligent discussion right now and it's terribly disappointing and draining.

but on the upside of things, i discovered the fatal flaw in my artist statement and now i know exactly what needs to be fixed! woohoo! i'd been referring to the edited book pages and drawn documents as "classified documents" when, in reality, what they are commonly referred to are "sanitized" or "redacted" documents! how i was unaware of this being that i watch so many shows and documentaries about serial killers is beyond me but was, nevertheless, a complete EUREKA moment, let me tell ya! and now, having the concept of sanitizing (and all that that word conjures and connotes) widens my practice is such a wonderfully inclusive and thoughtful way! the concepts of purity and cleanliness are so appropriate to what i've been trying to get at in this body of work! i'm so excited and inspired and ready to work even harder to really make the work shine and speak.