the big question....

WHY?

why do i make the work i make? it's an entirely different question than asking me what my artist's statement is or what i think the work does. the question why is entirely personal. it asks me to talk about my work in a much more personal way and to not intellectualize it.

it's a hard answer to give.

we are taught, whether we realize it or not, to not express much emotion about our art. it's fine if emotion is in the work, but when artist's are asked to discuss their practice, it's usually an inappropriate moment to speak emotionally. and i agree with this to a large extent. it's not very professional to talk about your private horrors to a group of strangers. it makes the interaction very uncomfortable for whomever the audience is.

but...

every now and then...

i think there are moments when expressing the heart (your heart) of the work is not only appropriate but necessary. i love art. i love making art. i love learning about art, talking about art, eating, breathing, sleeping art. art, art, ART! so why not let people know WHY i love it and WHY i make it?

i know my work looks spooky. people tell me all the time and it doesn't offend me at all. i've even got a few friends who tell me that, in spite of liking my work, they just don't want it in their homes. :) but the reason i make the work isn't spooky or scary at all. it isn't conceptual or intellectual or academic...

i make the work i make in an attempt to bring comfort in to the lives of others - people who have known what it is to hurt, to be devalued, to have lost or are lost - and to let them know that they have a place, in these paintings, through these metaphors, where they can be understood and where compassion is possible. i make work in the hope that, somehow, these images of loss and trauma can become a site of hope themselves... a way to see what remains in spite of pain, a way to cultivate understanding and tenderness. the paintings are my way of saying "don't give up, keep trying, you are not alone in the world"... all intellectualism aside.

for however dark the work appears... sometimes it is only in the dark that we become fearless enough to be honest. honesty is neither ugly nor beautiful, but a combination of both. within this dark, hope is flowering, and healing takes place.

i make art because it is the only tool i've got to make sense of the wreckage and breed goodness. and it's a tool that i just can't seem to put down.

it heals me too.