i am smiling so much my face hurts!

i am still reeling from the opening at Slingshot last night. it was amazing! simply, totally amazing. i had such a wonderful time. and it was PACKED! the turn-out was unbelievable and i am joyfully overwhelmed by the amount of support we received last night. incredible and humbling and so beautiful. and we've even been reviewed already! thank you Arteaser! AHHHHHHHH! :D

here we are at thursday and i feel happy.

there is a nice, warm calm i've been hoarding for myself lately. lots of writing and reading and drawing and crocheting. soft days. the week has been good to me: ideas, ideas, ideas and coffee and poems and taking my friend to the dentist to get a tooth yanked out. the stuff that makes a life.

i've been practicing being present. not anguishing over the future, just letting the joy flood back in to my practice and letting go of rules and definitions. isn't that what art's supposed to be about anyway? ha! and i must laugh at myself. i must and i do. everyday. and i've also re-invested in the good habit of dancing in the living room. blasting music in the morning and even singing in to a hair brush. silliness! and happy laughter!

and so today i have absolutely no plan for the hours to come. let them come however they want. it's bright and beautiful here. the curtains are open and i've still got a half pot of coffee to get through. there are blackberries in the fridge and bagels in the cupboard. the big spider i'm drawing for louise bourgeois is lording over my bedroom, tacked to the wall, beautiful and creeping.

i think i'll take my coffee to bed and sit with the big spider for awhile. eat breakfast with it and enjoy the calm of this beautiful morning.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY!

yay!!!! celebrate!!!! however you can! think about the work of a female artist you admire, learn a bit about their life story, help a female friend accomplish something, listen to another woman's story, sit back and feel calm and accomplished, take a moment to see how far we've come, how far you've come, and be thankful to be part of such an amazing lineage of women (and men) who have pushed the legal, political, and artistic boundaries wide enough to allow the important contributions of women to be seen, honored, and take root.

check out this video

i realized just now that i don't need to be afraid of anything.

i have a good life. tubes of silver and gold at my disposal. availability and opportunity and such a shimmering, such a great glittering storm. and i can look at my own life and self and say 'i approve!" this is a good feeling. and so much happy wonder. my friends are doing well. they are happy and on fire inside their work. they are making things and loving things and this builds up such a fiery appreciation in me, such a deep inspiration and gladness. people are making art and people are making their way and i just feel so lucky to be here, now, watching the whole big beauty of it unfold. i have a good life.

WARNING: BIG TIME SENTIMENTALIT-TEE-HEE!

dog sleeping, sky beginning to pale, me and my coffee alone together in the quiet. these mornings are a luxury. i won't always have such freedoms. but for now, i can work to enjoy them and appreciate them as much as i possibly can, to use them with honor and diligence and wide-open gratitude... to pay attention to the sweet nudges i receive, the support and encouragement that come my way to reassure me that i've done even a small amount of good.

yesterday i shipped a drawing to a woman who buys art instead of toys for her two boys. 2 and 4 and already endowed with definite tastes! ha! and i can't tell you how much love spilled in to my heart when i learned of this sweet family. so much love it is still spilling out, overflowing in to the rest of the day, the sphere, the small walls that contain my life. art and stockings. that's the christmas tradition. and her children are on fire with excitement and happiness for these things. these beautiful and heart-felt things. what an awesome wonder. what a gentle reminder than art matters and flourishes and that there are people who know its value, who except beauty in to their lives, who bring it home with them and cherish it and allow it to work its magic. and the last Lineage canvas at the gallery is gone. off to a new and good home. and every now and then i get to hear the stories why people buy the art they buy and most of the time it has nothing to do with whether or not it matches the couch. i am touched and humbled and full of appreciation. a woman whom i've never met took a painting home with her because it touched her heart, it "represents the under-represented" and hit very close to home, and i can't tell you how i cried to know that someone got it, saw it, knew it! that someone feels the same way, sees the same need in the world, cares for them and knows that struggle. oh, i am overflowing! i am shaken. to the red center of my heart, i shake! blessings coming in from all sides these days! everywhere! everything!

and my conversation with rebecca, full of laughter and giggling and genuine love for art and knowledge and words and connection. such an amazing gift! an amazing friend! an amazing woman who cajoles words in to music, makes them dance and cry and quake. and my heart quakes along with them. shuddering and trembling and becoming devout. poetry. and through her, her work, her generosity of spirit, her unwavering belief in the importance of words, of art, i get better. i learn and become more sensitive, more courageous, more in tune. what a gift! what a pleasure! what an undeserved, unearned miracle.

and with this comes along a little network of amazing writers. good people who are kind and humble and hard-working. good writers who spill their hearts and the pools they leave for me to fall in to are gorgeous and heart-breaking. i am, day by day, amazing by the connections that have come about by simply maintaining this blog. the unique, beautiful web of people and art that is being spun, that is growing, that gets deeper each day, more and more solid, more and more stunning, more and more important and lovely. blessings coming in from all sides, indeed!

and another rebecca got married. got a solo show. got a whole new adventure for herself lined up. i'm heading out to the city today for a slumber party/ painting session. talking and talking and talking the whole time, we two funny shut-ins. ha! and maybe we'll leave the house for a minute for food but maybe not. we'll rest in our friendship and silliness and enjoy this day together and all the wonderful moments it contains. in school, i'd always lug my paintings over to her studio so we could work together. we'll make our own little deja vu, our own cute little flash-back, blast to the past.

this year is ending on such a high note. so high, in fact, it makes me appreciate the trials that preceded it. the silver-lining is sparkling so brightly it's impossible not to gaze at it. it's impossible not to stare in to the bright core of it til my eyes well up and all i see is the tremendous wealth of things i have to be endlessly grateful for and entirely surprised by.

this night...

the moon is enormous tonight. enormous and bright. a thin blue cast coming down. and still early enough to not be quite silent outside. not yet.
there is the traffic of people heading home. lights on the road. joggers and walkers and even a girl with a stroller. all lit up by the great big buttery moon. hurrying home and it makes me appreciate their movements, these strangers- knowing they have something to love. every single one. a reason to get going wherever they're going.

i painted today and i drew and crocheted and jogged and laughed. i ran the gamut and felt no rush rush rush. i felt no need to slap down labels, look for titles, justifications. i played. and now the big ol' moon that jumped up over the mountains and a person who hurried on home to me too.