sick

.

2 days without a voice.  i can't speak, my throat feels like it is exploding.  buy the big bottle of NyQuil and guzzle.  the craziest of dreams.  my body feels tingly.  online shopping at midnight.  i almost bought a pink sweatshirt that says ON WEDNESDAYS WE WEAR PINK on the front of it from the movie Mean Girls.  that was a really good movie, actually.  my mind is all over the place.  i feel good right now because i feel as if my heart is absent, on vacation, lying in a hammock in the Bahamas, sipping a pina colada.  i want to be back in that tiny tiki lounge in new york with anne where we drank pina coladas and ate voodoo chips. i wore my white leather jacket.  i want to wake up tomorrow and feel better.  i want to wake up tomorrow and have my voice back. a rare day came when i had the entire house to myself - all 3 roommates gone -  and i could have lit up this place christmas day with my voice, singing to the rafters in hot, priviledged privacy, but instead i spent the day in bed undercover of all manner of drugs and with blazing red tonsils.  not even a squeek comes out. dreams crashing into dreams crashing into thoughts thoughts thoughts.  maybe i drank more NyQuil than i should have. in my delirium, it dawns on me:  i want to be someones favorite person.  maybe that's all anyone wants. 

.