i spent next to no time online this weekend. i holed up with books and papers and pencils instead. phone calls from old friends and lots of soul-searching, excavating existentialism. ha! i read Helaine Posner's long and beautiful essay on the work of Kiki Smith and rolled around in the ideas of Trust it contains. very much a "believe in yourself and trust the work" refrain. and then saturday, my birthday present arrived. while we were at the grocery store, the mail lady dropped off a big fat book at our door that jared had ordered for me. the huge Henry Darger book by Klaus Biesenbach. and so i spent the bulk of saturday afternoon and evening looking at the absolutely gorgeous reproductions of Darger's work, getting absolutely lost in the
drive his work materializes- absolute faith in "the call"... the answering
of that call, the reward. last night, i finally started reading the text of the book and am anxious to get back to it. and in between all this, tons of drawing. tons. i burned through so many pencils this weekend and will soon be left with only the stubs. which i'm saving for something a la Arman:
:) i've always admired his accumulations.
and this morning: i obeyed the MIGHTY RUN - 3.5 miles - came home, ate fruit and greek yogurt, read Malevich's treatise on Suprematism (which i will have to read again and again until it sinks in deep and i understand well enough to agree with half and dispute the other half), and have already gotten a good hour of drawing under my belt. this is a fantastic start to the new week. and most welcome after last week's recurrent disillusionment and deflated attribute. oh, the joys of the artist ego! FRAILTY! ha! but i have resurfaced and am thinking a lot about my own values and ideas... finding ways to keep the fire stoked and high. it is all about maintaining one's own passionate commitment to this thing. answering the call is the reward.
every single day, i must find a way to answer it.
my twisty education has lit back up.
4 comments:
Oh my gosh, where have I been?! I didn't know about this new book on Henry Darger. I see the book I used to own is now $349 used on Amazon! Aarrgghh!!! (Had to sell books in a big move). Also have not heard of Arman! Where have I been?!
Keep at it, A!
geez! don't you HATE that!!! having to re-buy books!!! ARG is right! and that's a hefty price-tag but an amazing book i'm sure!
arman is wonderful. absolutely wonderful! he's someone i go to when i need my definitions expanded. hahaha! i love his work. there is just such an amazing sensitivity to it. collecting all these objects, storing them in huge glass vitrines, giving meaning and value to things that are so often over-looked. and then there's the massive quantity of the objects! strength in numbers! :) i'm so glad you like him! thank you, angela.
Angela, In my mind I left a comment yesterday...that must be where it remains. Regarding the recent postings, (ah, now I remember why it didn't get typed)...from what I know of you via your blog, you are intentional and deeply involved in your work and any voices that say otherwise need a squirt of Mace. We, myself and many others, are close to drowning in doubt and self-criticism. For reasons unknown, yesterday was a day when my mind left me alone; anything I did was enough, was plenty. Guilt, shame, insufficiency, worry must have been given free passes to Disneyland. It was amazing. I have to believe if it can happen once, it can happen again. I wish you a day of gentleness and contentment, actually many days, but one to begin. xoxo
marylinn, thank you! it makes me so happy to know that you beat the beast back yesterday. and i am hoping you had just as wonderful a day today too. i am learning (through lots of trial and error) that the best thing i can do for myself in regard to overcoming doubt is just keep moving. quite literally. running is an accomplishment in itself and i am trying to get a bit more strict with myself in terms of obeying the call for physical release every single day. and somehow managing to turn this in to a metaphor for how to approach the rest of my life as well. also- reading is such a benefitial and fruitful act as well. the more i read, the more ideas i take in, the more i have to say and write about. and the more confident i am too.
today i ran and read and drew a big ol' picture. thank you for the blessing. it found me and i am relishing in it as we speak! :)
<3
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