we were all once Holden Caulfield.

i finished reading The Catcher in the Rye last night. the last 60 or so pages is when Holden Caulfield really starts flashing crazy but, honestly, i remember feeling that way a lot when i was a teenager- that the world was phony and mean. it is an exceptional work of art that has really stood the test of time. in spite of the dated slang and euphemisms contained within the language of the book, i think the story itself is sort of timeless... effective regardless of what era it is read in. i'm so glad i decided to go back to it. and it led to a very beneficial, forgiving, necessary walk down memory lane of my own. simply reading it created a warm space where dealing with my own memories and family history led to a soft reconciliation of certain events. it helped me cast a more understanding, gentle eye on the trials we are all faced with throughout our lifetimes. what a cool blessing. and that's ART for ya! :)

my Letter of Intent has morphed in to a huge personal art manifesto. ha! and that is NOT what a Letter of Intent is supposed to be. i suppose i have a lot to say (and get out of the way) before i can get whittle my ideas down to a more manageble bite in terms of a residency. i'm moving from the general to the specific, and it is actually really wonderful to be writing all my ideas down in essay format. hopefully, i can get it all out and then go back in and find a way to condense my aims for the purpose of this letter and get it finished in time. whether or not i am able, it's still a good practice. i haven't had to write a formal essay in 2 years. i guess i'm a bit out of practice.

but today i am painting painting painting. i need a break from all the intellectualism. my mind is tired from all that particular breed of fun. ha! but while we're on the subject of intent and art and The Catcher in the Rye, take a look at page 189. Mr. Antolini makes a very good point. ;)

literary pursuits

last night, i read the first 100 pages of The Catcher in the Rye again. i haven't read this book in years and years and years. i forgot how funny Holden Caufield is. HILARIOUS! the book actually made me laugh out loud as i sat in bed, curled up in my quilt, trying to wind down after a long and very draining day. it actually accomplished the very opposite. it woke me up. hahaha! and there i was, laughing like a crazy person at a book, and it dawned on me that, the first time i read this, it didn't at all strike me that Holden Caufield is insane. other people have told me the character is nuts, but i don't really pick that up from the story. at least not at this point 100 pages in. and i don't remember anything about how the book ends so i guess and just wait and see if he gets crazy all of a sudden. although... there are similarities actually between The Catcher in the Rye and The Bell Jar... the main character's distraction and obsession... distracted obsession. getting derailed by small appearances in the world and turns of phrase and the way someone moves... they get locked up by small things. thwarted. it's like The Bell Jar for dudes. hahahaha! because i don't think The Bell Jar is all that crazy either even though it is the story of a young woman's decent in to madness. the description of the narrator, how she perceives things, don't seen crazy to me. they seem sensitive. a deep sensitivity that is easily harmed by the world... prone to feeling "outside" or Other. soft-hearted and sharp-minded can be a painful combination. it leads to a lot of confusion and agony. but i don't think that it spells crazy. there's still 100+ pages to go though so maybe my opinion will change. i thought it'd be good to re-read it since Mr. Salinger died recently... a way to pay my respects. and also, temper the information i've been letting in to my brain since the start of the year. i've been very focused on female writers and i thought it'd be a good idea to get some men in the bunch. J.D. Salinger seemed a perfect fit.