yay!

tonight is auction night! yes! the annual fundraiser/art auction/cocktail party benefiting the Access Institute for Psychological Services in San Francisco and yours truly has a piece on the auction block! i'm so honored to have been invited to contribute. this is an issue that has touched the lives of most people i know and, in our current economy rife with health care woes and hardships, it is absolutely wonderful that i can do something to help. even the smallest gesture counts. kindness matters. concern matters. and being given the opportunity to lend your skills to a heart-breaking, worth-while cause is something i cherish.

if you're in the area and have nothing to do tonight, come on out. it will be quite the soiree. and besides, i'll be there and i'm a whole lot of laughs and fun. :)

this is the piece that's up for grabs...


unnamed/unknown
11" x 7.5"
mixed media on paper
angela simione, 2009

breathe hard...

already with my black oil this morning. already. :)
and tons of scribbling in my notebook too.

but The Jog awaits and i can't let up when it comes to that. 5 months in and 2 inches disappeared from my waistline, not to mention the wonderful wide-open calm that rolls in after breathing hard and stomping and sweating my way through the big ol' morning vineyard.

there are NO TRESPASSING signs up now but the owner said they don't apply to me so i am thankful for those signs. no bad-mood tourists to ruin my day at the start. no grimaces and judgement. tourists are full of grimaces and judgement. at least the ones who make their way out here. they are covered in sneers. i have no clue what that's about but it's true. it makes no sense. i'm glad they've been barred. the air and space is mine and the signs ensure i don't have to share it.

i'm beginning to feel pretty again. it's been awhile since i felt that way and it's nice. i've missed my angles. i'm happy to see them returning. i've got the same insecurities most women have and, yeah i know it's all unreasonable and blah blah blah, but i'm finally starting to feel strong again... and that's the thing i've missed most.

before i slipped that disk in my back (twice!), i felt strong and capable and i knew i was able to defend myself if i had to. for the past 2 years, i haven't felt that way at all. i couldn't defend myself one bit. now, 5 months in and 2 inches lost and all sorts of leg muscles later, i've at least got a fighting chance. i can at least out-run someone. and just knowing that i can if i had to makes me feel better, more capable, more independent, a bit less fearful, a bit less worrisome, and a lot more pretty. it's a good feeling and a good reason to keep it up.

and my little girl dog loves it too. she bounces along at my side and smiles at the world and on days when i don't want to do it for myself i do it for her. her happiness and health is way more important to me than my own and i don't let myself off the hook when it comes to that. it's my job to love her and give her the things she needs. it's my job to make sure she is healthy and happy and has space to play in. she likes the smells and the birds and the shade of the tall vines. she is always so excited, full of endless happiness when we head out to the vineyard. i aspire to be more like her in that regard- every day is the best day ever to her... and i want to feel that way too. The Jog can (and does) supply that.

once again, it's a morning thing. part of my wake-up.
why wait til the end of the day to feel that the day is good?

the jog...

i am still snuggled up in my big ol' adult-sized fleece footie pajamas and i am not at all anxious to get myself out of them. i'm drinking coffee and i plan on drinking more coffee. there's fog this morning and a cool breeze coming through the open windows. inga's sleeping in my big red chair. there are small birds and squirrels chasing each other outside and i feel so content right now that even the thought of wrestling myself out of the house is painful. but the jog awaits.

THE JOG.

yesterday, i caught myself starting to compile a silly list of excuses for why it was okay to take the day off from running. when i noticed myself doing this, i put my shoes on and left the house and drove straight to the vineyard. we jogged and it felt wonderful. well, it feels wonderful at the start and then it feels wonderful again once it's done. the sense of accomplishment is amazing and it is quite the cure-all. jogging is wonderful for a person's body but also for their heart and mind. i feel clear, in all sorts of ways, when the jog is done. i feel lighter and calmer and more focused- not at all distracted or wound-up about whatever little thing that might give me trouble or heartache. it keeps me sane. that, in itself, is the best reason to keep going out to the vineyard- my own little field of dreams where the clarity i need finds me. i come home and i paint and the hours roll by easily and i don't worry so much about all the things that are out of my control. i breathe. i move oil. i watch inga bounce around and eat sticks. i watch her sleep. i write and i twist yarn and i feel good about myself and my practice.

i feel like i'm on a good road, an important road that could actually lead somewhere, for the first time in a long time.