and last night while walking in the cold, cold wind in san francisco, i realized no one has ever provided for me as well as i provide for myself. i must somehow allow myself at least a short moment to feel proud of myself and the life i am creating. these dreams once seemed so far out of reach... impossible to believe ever coming true. here i am with a passport and plane tickets with my name on them. BIG MIDDLE FINGER TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO SAID MY GOALS WERE STUPID AND UNREALISTIC.
smiling so big right now. :D
hahahahaaa! and i cannot help but giggle to myself. i know i still have 3 1/2 weeks to wait until i board my plane to New York but it's going to fly by and my excitement is building building building. Becca and i will rendezvous at her favorite restaurant in the village 2 days before we get on another plane to Heathrow Airport. i'm trying not to get misty eyed just thinking of it now. i'm trying not to get too far ahead of myself. i have absolutely no idea what to expect but i can't wait to grab my bag and let this adventure begin. yesterday, i played tourist in SF and bought the bag i will live out of for a month. bright yellow in honor of my long lost Bumble Bug. i loved that little car so much but the life that awaits is one in which owning a car is totally unnecessary. it's unnecessary now. i love that i live in such a way that allows me to enjoy the romance of riding trains daily. and aside from which, me and my converse get around just fine. ;)
these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.
thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.