these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.

my new blog can be found here.

Jun 16, 2013

ghost love

i love being around people's mothers.

i love looking at pictures of people's mothers.

it's the closest i can come to looking at pictures of my own.

still, ma mere, the caught image of you sends me running.

i've learned how to keep a dry eye:

don't look at beautiful things
that pull the old heart strings
and which you'll never see again.

and so i bask in the smile of other people's mamas and feel absolutely real joy.  i keep my own mother's image in my heart.  especially when i look at the sky.  i think of her when she was 19, walking cobblestone pathways in Germany, wearing her forest green velvet blazer.  i can finally fit in to it.  i wore it on thursday and thursday was the best day in the whole fucking world.  :)

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