these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.

my artist website is here.

Nov 11, 2012

living the dream, baby!

it's been a wild week.  i'm full of stories and secrets, full of dreams and experiences, full of the knowledge that the best thing a person can accomplish in this life is Being Oneself.  i feel like Myself more and more.  i make less excuses and fewer apologies.  i simply smile and enjoy my time.  and in spite of my silence this passed week here, i've been writing like crazy.  my brother sent me a fantastic text message the other day telling me that he really enjoys my drunken writing here on the blog and that he thinks i should compile it and write a book.  it definitely warms me up in an indescribably way to know that people appreciate my work, but it is uniquely comforting to know my brother appreciates it and finds value in what i'm trying to say.  in some ways i'm trying to speak for all of us -  myself and my siblings - and to lay down a document of pain that may work as a cure.  i believe that the act itself of Telling can go beyond the therapeutic and bring about a reckoning.  i feel so transported sometimes, so changed by the act of writing.  i feel myself Becoming more and more who i know myself to be.  the core of me becomes more evident, more available, less shameful, less scary.  i learn, again, how to expose myself courageously. 

i've spent the morning drinking coffee, doing laundry, scribbling in my diary and thinking about what i need to pack for my return trip to New York.  i fly out tonight and land at JFK at 6am tomorrow morning.  i can't believe i'm already going back.  that came up quick!  it doesn't feel real and won't feel real until i'm staring at the lights of our most spectacular city from the cabin window of an airplane.  it'll be interesting to be there so soon after the hurricane.  i have no idea what to expect.  i know New Yorkers are on top of their shit and i'm sure the city isn't nearly as fucked up as it was last week but, i mean, it was a hurricane!  i think of Staten Island and my chest goes tight.  i hold my breath.  i'll see it for myself soon enough. 

and so i'll be off the grid for a week, off exploring and dancing and writing.  i'll pack as lightly as i can get away with and concentrate mainly on writing as much as i can make time for and taking a few more pictures than i did last time.  my friend annie is meeting me in Chelsea.  it's her first visit to NYC and i am so fucking excited to be there with her.  a fellow server at the restaurant, upon hearing that she and i would be in New York together, shook his head and said: you guys are gonna get arrested. ha!

i promise to not get arrested.  ;)

all my love,

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