.
eventually i make my way back to my roof and four
walls. eventually i end up behind my own
closed door. beyond the lock and key, a
mirror leans. i sit back and stare myself down. no one will witness the crash
of these secrets. no one has seen what i
see. no one is as wise as me. the broken
blue tumbling down my cheeks is nothing new here. Meine blaue Augen sind zerbrochen. i have the
only front row seat.
i pull up my black
tights and cross my legs.
i need someone to cover my eyes.
did i tell you: in my most recent dream of her she returned
to that emaciated state. such thin
shoulders. they were only bone. i was afraid if i touched her i would hurt
her. i held her hand when all i wanted
so badly was to lay my head on her shoulder. but her shoulders were all
bones. she was my mother.
dearest _______ , you are the only friend i have that knows
the language i know.
dearest _______ , i still miss you in the middle of the
night even after all these years and all this hot hate. i still feel your hair in my mouth. i still swim in the haunt you installed in
the back of my eyes.
i slink low into my solitude.
if only there was a way you could apologize enough.
the heart that held your image is entirely dead. i labor
over my own face. i apply the black
lines. i apply the red lines. i decide which identity to provide. i make a
mirror of my own surface. i let them all
project their wants. i reflect back the
desire and let their hate lay on me like a man.
i let their hate roam across my surface like a man's tempted hand. some see a daughter. some see a whore. some days that feels like exactly same
thing.
most days that feels pretty good.
3 comments:
so good to see you here still, plumbing the Truths...
congratulations on the new show and book cover! you always renew my belief in Art...
HOLY SHIT! ROZ!!!! so good to see you, friend! when i saw your name pop up i got such a huge smile!
thank you so much! i'm always so happy and grateful when you stumble round my way. your encouragement renews MY belief in Art.
keep that dark light burning, Blackland!
i seem to have stepped back into these electronic pages, at least for now. you can find a new blog link in my profile...
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