these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.

my artist website is here.

Oct 8, 2012

Die Frauen sind sehr lieblich.

i've been listening to this song for days and days...

Meine gute Freundin Freya schickt das Leid zu mir.  Ich liebe das so veil.  Mein Hertz brecht.  Wenn ich das Leid hore, schuttet meinen Hertz das Traurigkeit aus.

i feel so thankful for her friendship.  when she sent it to me, i felt seen...  the hidden parts of me, known.  my eyes and heart tremble.  i feel full of both longing and hope.  i pull my sweater over my head and walk in the cold.  the dark of these streets become such a comfort.  i look at the lonely lights hanging high above my head and the fast flash of cars speeding by.  i wish for so many unnameable things...

unnameable only because i don't yet have the courage to bang out the letters on a public stage.  the names are well known in the pages of my diary and in the ears of friends.

i wore the black dress to the art opening and had an amazing time.  my sweet san francisco girls came and hugged me and i felt so honored.  i haven't seen their sweet faces in over 7 months.  i've been off building this little life of mine and they've been entirely patient, entirely supportive.  i have a bad habit of cloistering myself and going silent when there's work that needs to be done.  i burrow down in to the task at hand and i hold my breath and go go go.  but i feel they must know my heart.  they must know i was busy with the strange work of repairing my Self and my ability to fight and to believe in the existence of something better than what i've had.  a better life grows ever greener and bolder these days and i hope they know how integral they have been to the birth of my independence.  if not for your belief in me, friends, i could've have pulled the trigger.

and so i hugged everyone as much as i could and laughed and smiled and caught up on as much as we could in the short time we had.  my skulls stared down from the tall white walls and kept safe watch over our exploits.  i didn't realize how short my dress was until my friend monika put a few pictures on facebook.  i'm pretty sure that when i wrapped my arms around the necks of friends i inadvertently flashed my ass at whomever was standing behind me.  you're welcome.  :)

 the show is up for a month so make a plan to go see it.  you'll love everything you see.  especially the treasures in kate's cases. GO.

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