these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.


my artist website is here.

Sep 20, 2010

blah.

i am sitting here with a cup of cold ginseng tea. one of my neighbors gave it to me. he said it's from japan. and it's good, i guess... but not satisfying at all. at least not as a morning beverage. no sugar or honey in it. it is not my beloved coffee. and that is exactly the point: not coffee.

i'm excessive when it comes to coffee. super excessive. and it isn't even really the coffee itself, it's the sweet, sugary hazelnut cream i dump in it. YUM! i can easily drink an entire pot of coffee all to myself each morning. for the passed few months i've been feeling pretty ridiculous about it. because it isn't even caffeine i'm trying to pump myself full of, it's sugar. my old nemesis.

in high school and the early days of college, i was a soda addict. a HARDCORE soda addict. to a very gross degree. so gross, in fact, i'm surprised i didn't rot my teeth. i'd stop at the convenience store in the morning before class and get a humongous BIG GULP... which i would buy refills for periodically throughout the day. this practice went on for years. i loved the burn of Dr. Pepper and was completely gluttonous about it.

after moving to the bay area, i kicked my soda habit during summer break one year. but when classes started back up in the fall and i was working full time and going to school full time, i got in to drinking coffee. and eventually, i got just as excessive about it as i had been with soda. for the passed couple months, i've realized that it's all about sugar. i am a total sugar addict. and i get so much of it in my coffee that i never crave any other sweets at all. never. none. not one. i never think cake sounds good or ice-cream or candy or pies. never. and this is a good thing but it's also no wonder- i load up on sugar right at the beginning of the day!

all this to say- i'm not drinking coffee this morning. my hope is to get through this entire week without it. reign in my addictive personality a bit. if i could be one of those people who practiced things in moderation, this would be no issue at all. but i seem to go full-tilt with things i enjoy. i do not sip, i GUZZLE. i know nothing of temperance. ha!

so... i'm on guard against crankiness and sarcasm today. geez.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Your posts speak to me!
Thank you for putting so eloquently my thoughts and struggles with self-doubt about my art, my addictive personality and life learning.
You Rock!
She who is a new follower...
allene

Roz said...

wow, sugar. that is a hard habit to kick. good luck!

i'm one of those people who can't handle sugar at all. it goes straight to my head and makes my stomach sick and knocks me out for the whole day. though lately i've been drinking the free coffee from the office breakroom and i think the weak caffeine in it is now my drug of choice.

i actually had to stop drinking my fancy green tea from a famous tea stall in tokyo b/c it was starting to cause hallucinogenic reactions, esp after oversteeping. never knew tea could be so lethal.

angela simione said...

hi allene! welcome! and thank you so much! :) self-doubt is a nasty little demon, isn't it? i've been trying to live the One Day at a Time philosophy and it really does seem to be working in conquering that nagging voice in the back of my head. one day, one drawing at a time, i'll get to where i'm going. ;)

thank you!

angela simione said...

roz, yes- sugar is a bad one. very bad. i've been doing some research on it and come to find out, it is the most addictive substance on the planet. pretty much because it's in just about everything at this point (refined sugars). but i will kick this habit for sure! i like fruit better than pastries and all that stuff anyway.

that's scary about the tea! geez! i had a pretty good tea last week - roibus??? - a black tea that was naturally sweet. like honey. maybe i'll invest in a big ol' bag of that stuff for my morning wake-up. the ginseng this morning, though tastey in its own way, didn't exactly cut it. ha!