i am sitting here with a cup of cold ginseng tea. one of my neighbors gave it to me. he said it's from japan. and it's good, i guess... but not satisfying at all. at least not as a morning beverage. no sugar or honey in it. it is not my beloved coffee. and that is exactly the point: not coffee.
i'm excessive when it comes to coffee. super excessive. and it isn't even really the coffee itself, it's the sweet, sugary hazelnut cream i dump in it. YUM! i can easily drink an entire pot of coffee all to myself each morning. for the passed few months i've been feeling pretty ridiculous about it. because it isn't even caffeine i'm trying to pump myself full of, it's sugar. my old nemesis.
in high school and the early days of college, i was a soda addict. a HARDCORE soda addict. to a very gross degree. so gross, in fact, i'm surprised i didn't rot my teeth. i'd stop at the convenience store in the morning before class and get a humongous BIG GULP... which i would buy refills for periodically throughout the day. this practice went on for years. i loved the burn of Dr. Pepper and was completely gluttonous about it.
after moving to the bay area, i kicked my soda habit during summer break one year. but when classes started back up in the fall and i was working full time and going to school full time, i got in to drinking coffee. and eventually, i got just as excessive about it as i had been with soda. for the passed couple months, i've realized that it's all about sugar. i am a total sugar addict. and i get so much of it in my coffee that i never crave any other sweets at all. never. none. not one. i never think cake sounds good or ice-cream or candy or pies. never. and this is a good thing but it's also no wonder- i load up on sugar right at the beginning of the day!
all this to say- i'm not drinking coffee this morning. my hope is to get through this entire week without it. reign in my addictive personality a bit. if i could be one of those people who practiced things in moderation, this would be no issue at all. but i seem to go full-tilt with things i enjoy. i do not sip, i GUZZLE. i know nothing of temperance. ha!
so... i'm on guard against crankiness and sarcasm today. geez.
these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.
thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.
my artist website is here.
my artist website is here.