stupid





all morning all morning,
the wringing of hands.

yesterday afternoon was bright yellow.
i've felt like crying ever since

and spending money i don't have.
i am fighting the urge to fuck myself over.

to buy expensive clothes and plane tickets.
i go back to that canvas and stare.

i know i'll be told on again

sooner or later.

i know my silence makes it an easy thing.



all morning all morning,
the back and forth,
the wringing of hands,
the salt i hold,
the salt i spill,

and crying in the shower where no one can see and no one can hear,
soft and thin as a pencil scratch.

all morning all morning,
my thick embarrassment.
all morning, my worry.
my rosey showing.
that plague.
the need that goes on and on and on

un-met. all morning all morning,

for the life of me.