the sky is gone white. the fog will not burn today.
i am painting. black oil all over the big canvasses. all over and the scent fills my home. lovely. luscious.
i am clear today- slow, involved in method, proceeding in increments; thoughtfully. the process is a wise dictator, uninterested in torture. stop trying for control you don't have and just follow the scent.
there are a million nuances to give myself over to. there are shadows within shadows. it isn't scrutiny. i've been using the wrong word this whole time. it is not scrutiny, it is recognition. it is acknowledgement. see post below called ghosts. thank you alanna and elisabeth. black and black and thin layers of sepia.
breathe.
slow.
what is love?
practice it here, girl. practice loyalty... acceptance... acknowledgement... patience... control only your self, find the rhythm, the scent, the burn beneath the fog. and go.
11 comments:
It's wonderful to read about your proces here.
And all the ghosts come alive and rattle at your door.
I'm about to go off and vote for you again. You can do so every twenty four hours. I wonder do others know this?
oh elisabeth, thank you!
i didn't know you could vote more than once! thank you! that's so awesome! and i'm so happy to have you're support! i"ll try to spread the word. i got in on the competition very late. i think there's only 5 days left.
Acknowledgement, clarity, beautiful words. Sepia, it has been a long time since someone used that word and it was not trite or cliche to me. Thank you.
Angela, meet Marta, another Angel of my heart :))
I loved reading this. I heard an guy talking about living slow on NPR the other day. I'd love to get his book. About being more inside what we do instead of hurrying to get out of it. I learned it in music where I learned everything first, and then applied the idea to cooking which I love. It doesn't always apply to writing with me but these last poems, yes, they are agonizingly slow. Living slow, making slow art. You got me thinking.
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hi marta! i'm so glad you keep stopping by! i am so thankful for your encouragement and kindness. i can tell, from way over here, you have a stunningly beautiful spirit. :)
rebecca. :) i'm always so thankful for your comments and insights and experience. i recently realized i have touble with slowness... there's certain areas of life in which i seem to have become very impatient, very NOW NOW NOW. to a large degree it's early training... training which i need to somehow unlearn. it is an unwelcome road-block at this point... it's really (for me) a mode of fear. fear stands in the way of thoughtfulness and honesty and accuracy even. it stands in the way of reality. and i want to see reality in the fullest way i can- even the hard stuff. the patience the artwork requires is teaching me how to do this. and poetry too. poetry is even more demanding.
i want a slower path, i guess. one that includes method. one that allows for gentle times. i think the experience of gentleness can allow us to bare the hard stuff and to wrestle with it when the battle finally begins.
i hope.
Angela thank you for your all your art work. And R - thank you for posting her info on your blog!
:)
Angela, if you ever want a moment away you can browse what Rebecca coined as my "fairy tale" blog, and yes love does that...sigh, jumpingoverfire.blogspot.com - ok, it has been less fairytalesque, well maybe New Years eve, but who knows what the year holds!
marta- i suppose this is a good moment to confess.... i've been a lurker for months. :) i don't know why i've been shy about commenting. i'll try to be better about it.
How funny. No worries, I seem to be finding out I have a lot of lurkers not moved to comment, and that is perfectly well whatever it is!
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