the countdown begins...
and me, still sick and heavy with the sadness sickness brings... or is it the holidays? this time of year seems to have an adverse effect on most people. it breaks the stride of happiness and productivity and thankfulness, contrary to what the holidays are supposed to mean. still sniffly and stuffy and aggravated but somehow excited to see the new year arrive. i'm glad to see 2009 shove off and a new opening, a portal, spread wide-open in front of me. there are too many hopes for me to list. my head is too deep in the fog of congestion. the fog is not burning off. but the hopes are here, alive and thumping despite lethargy and distraction. hope always, shining bright as a child, shining like a new tooth, a golden door knob, an open, lucky window, a promise ring, a charm bracelet, a poem. shining shining.
the shining is what needs to be clung to.
this year so many things changed. it was all flux and chaos and desire. it was lost to despair sometimes. it was swimming in bliss sometimes. it was a bundle of love and hate and hurt and pleasure. it was angry and mean. it was gentle and soft. time fell out of step. the fog layed down. the fog refused to burn off. and then suddenly... the brightness. shining hope and unexpected kindness and inexplicable resilience. and there are still 5 days to go.
most days, i am thankful for all of it. even the hard stuff. even the stuff that hurt so bad and broke my heart. even the things that made me want to scrap the whole shibang and start all over again. all of it. because through the hard stuff came such beauty, polished and gleaming and unexpected. in that barren space, words sprung up and twisted themselves around in to odd little poems and i learned that the rules no longer matter. and it's a nice place to be... to have gotten far along enough to know that the rules no longer apply. and that is what 2009 has been. the shattering of ALL RULE.
6 comments:
well i'm here from Rebecca Louden's page and that is good. your work is wonderful. for instance i love the legs on the girls in Lineage and the beautiful lines of arms in Lineage 2 and how the white aprons over their abdomens and vaginas are stark and white and everything else is not. i know nothing intellectual about art and have no college degree but i do love your work.
i also read through your blog entries and found those to be wonderful reading. the meatier things are usually left out of blogging and those that expose the undersides are those i love most.
glad to find you,
maggie may ethridge
hello maggie may! and may i say you have one of the coolest names on the planet! :)
thank you so much for coming over my way and taking the time to look around. i'm so happy you like the paintings. and the writing too! the meatier stuff is better, i agree, even though it makes me sheepish sometimes. your blog is absolutely beautiful!
2010=new adventures.
word. and i'm not even gonna make a plan or take a safety net.
I'm new here too, entranced by your way with words, especially when you are unwell. These images here remind me of Virginia Woolf's words as she experienced times in her family 'a finger was laid upon the lips'. Passive voice perhaps but the image captures the essence of her experience, for a writer and sensitive person silenced against speaking the so-called unspeakable.
hi elizabeth- thank you! it's funny (and humbling) you bring up virginia woolf. since i've been sick, i've been drawn to her again and was thumbing through Jacob's Room just yesterday. :)
the unspeakable, yes. it is totally ruled by fear. and hopefully that rule will come to an end as well. i am certainly trying for it.
thank you for your comment. it struck something deep in me. :)
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