new day...

ever since i mailed the grant application off, a nice warm calm has spread over my days... even though i'm assuming i'll receive a rejection. but putting the work out in to the world (in whatever capacity) is a wonderful act of letting go, come what may. besides, i've got a fairly thick skin at this point when it comes to art rejections. the critiques at CCA got to be pretty dang brutal at times and i've got an entire folder of rejection letters here under my desk to remind me that the point is to just keep trying. pay your dues and get them out of the way. everyone must, and that includes little ol' me. in fact, the more rejection i suffer, the easier it gets and the probability of finding the proper channels and avenues for support and exposure for the work increase. i'm ruling things out, looking for better, more fitting opportunities, and thinking critically about my own practice and where i'd like to go. the rejection letter, in a round about way, helps to steer me in the right direction. there's always an upside and i've got a lifelong habit of straining to find the silver-lining in every single situation. all this to say... yesterday i painted with such pressure-less freedom and poise, it was remarkable. i didn't worry about the time or when the canvas would finally be done or when the issues within the composition will get worked out. i sat and stared and drank my coffee and saw what needed to happen next- piece by piece, inch by inch, shadow by shadow. i was fully myself and in the work. i'm proud of the maid portraits. as proud of them as i am the 'anonymous girl' series. i feel so close to this body of work and it feels important to me. i love these ladies, i truly do. i've got Lineage 4 hanging in front of my bed right now and waking up to them has been such an honor, such a humbling moment. it sets a good tone for the rest of the day. humility is a good ingredient in the studio, for sure. i will miss them endlessly when they're gone.