that's exactly right. exactly. and this painting thing nourishes me in more ways than one. after getting rattled a few days ago and losing a whole bunch of time to feeling inadequate and unsure, i have retrieved my confidence from the toilet and have established a NO SELF-PITY rule when it comes to my practice and to art in general. it's a time waster and it's silly anyhow. i knew when i started that it'd be an uphill battle. i knew it'd be the hardest thing i'd run across yet. i knew there'd be tons of rejection and tons of disappointments along the way. i knew. and i was fine with that. i knew that THIS is what i'm meant to do and meant to be and after 11 years, i STILL know it. however many times i get knocked down, it is for damn sure i will be standing back up. no question about it. whatever pitfall, it's worth it. whatever blow to my ego, it's worth it. whatever karmic slap, it's worth it. this isn't just my "job", it's my life's work and no amount of rejection or struggle or disappointment or attack will change that. ever.
so this morning, i will run and i will work and i will not lose any more time to nursing a bruised ego. i believe in what i'm doing. eventually, others will as well. i'm knee deep in paying dues at this stage in the game and, truth be told, i'm happy to pay them. i am happy to take my knocks. i'm happy to prove myself and my level of dedication. it is a bright beautiful day and i am resolved to not slow down. ever.
the work horse is back on the job.
2 comments:
Yeehaw!
That's awesome. I need to enforce this rule with myself, too!
hahaha! :)
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