work work

so i'm finally building myself a website. took me long enough, huh? :)

geez.

actually, i built one once but after a few months had passed, i really thought it sucked. i didn't do the best job organizing all the work in to collections and sections and compartments etc etc etc. and i didn't do a whole lot of writing for it either. obviously, i was not in the correct head space for the task at hand. but this time i am and i'm actually kind of excited about it. i mean, the few images of work i've got pinned up over there to the left of this blog really don't give an accurate picture of my practice as a whole. and i absolutely do not expect that anyone should waste their time scrolling through this entire blog trying to discern what my practice is all about. nor should they have to. so i'm organizing all the information, streamlining my online self a bit, and attempting to make things a bit easier for everyone.

and it's really nice to be able to see how the work has progressed through the years. especially the last 2 - 3 years. it's cool seeing my own work broken down in to portfolios. it lets me see the work so much more clearly. and honestly, there's such a wonderful and deep continuity in the work as a whole, spanning several years. i'm actually NOT all over the place! ha! very cool!

there's still a long way to go but i've decided it's best to take it a bit slow and do a good job of it this time around. no rushing. it doesn't need to be finished in a single afternoon. besides, there's still a whole lot that needs to be photographed and i also promised myself i'd clean the house today. ugh. between that and the website and polishing my artist statement and CV, i'd say this day is completely planned out. it'll be good to have it done though right in time for the weekend. a nice clean home to stomp around in while i aggravate myself with art writing and applications and finding the Right Words.

work

i have to start doing the paperwork end of being an artist soon. artist statements and letters of intent, that whole bit. it never gets any easier. as the work changes, the statement changes. and cutting it all down to 2 paragraphs is hard. i wish artist statements could be these sweet little chapbooks where i could just sort of ramble about all the stuff i care about. kinda like i do on this blog. :) it'd make writing an artist statement sooooo much easier.

but i must reign myself in and do it. there are a few things on the horizon that i'd absolutely love to be a part of. and though the deadlines are still a few months away, i'd like to get going on it now. months are short. time moves faster and faster. and so i've brought all the little icons of current work out on to my computer desktop where i shuffle them all around in to different collections, trying to see what gels, what works best. for a while i had all the paintings together and all the drawings together and did not mix and match them. but, as a Looker, i think mixing up the media is way more interesting that just ALL paintings or ALL drawings. unless that's ALL you do. and since i work in a couple different medias, i think it's best to let my portfolio represent that somehow. to let the work be married by concept rather than what it's made with. it's a good way to play with building a brand new portfolio.

and the portfolio is the most important part. it always will be. when i'm feeling down about how far i have to go or when i start feeling shaky about what i'm capable of, i go back to the portfolio job. it is king. and if it shines, you shine. it will always come back to the work. and the more i look at the way crochet paired with drawings function, the dialogue that is created, i am so fascinated and compelled by it. and paintings paired with textile work. it's amazing. and such wonderful conversations begin to happen between the pieces. it just feels good. it feels relevant.

so... keep playing, keep shuffling it all around. and keep working. i'm letting one idea bleed in to another, birth new ideas and directions and just not question it. just follow the impulse and don't look back too often. it's been good.

i have a ton of work that i haven't posted here yet. i guess i needed to keep it to myself for awhile. i still do. in the beginning of this blog, i posted every single painting i made that was even slightly good. and i want to be more thoughtful than that now. let the work sit. let me sit with it. see if it's an image i want floating around in the world. if it's an image that needs to be in the world. because a lot of what we do as artists is process work. work that you do in order to get to a new place. catharsis. and that work doesn't always need to be put on display i'm realizing. some of it should be allowed to live a quiet life behind the scenes. just like the scribblings in my diary. plus, i want there to be a few surprises when i start showing again. :) and i'm thinking sooner is better than later in regards to that. i think i should find a way to jump back in to the mix here pretty soon. it's been a month since i stopped showing, but i'm creeping up quickly on the end of 2 new bodies of work and a 3rd is well under way. that's a lot of work i'm storing. i need to get my confidence up, chew my finger nails, and push a few portfolios out the door. find the people in the world who adore that lovely black graphite as much as i do, reach out, and say hello.

today, i'll paint and see where i go. the work itself is pretty good at pointing out the road that feels true and best.

:)

oh, i am worn out. i'm very glad tomorrow is saturday and i can sleep in a bit.

after finishing the beast yesterday, i started priming another canvas of the same size. i've noticed that doing the grunt work, the prep work, keeps me hungry for the "real" work. the nuts and bolts of a practice are very important- the little things that keep you rolling forward. my shoulder muscle is sore and it feels good.

i haven't enjoyed such a big explosion of creativity in a long time it seems. but i guess (maybe) (possibly) i haven't been myself in a long time either... and these things are linked. chained. padlocked together.

for awhile there, i think i mistook the dreams other people held for me for the dreams i have for myself. i think i got really hung up on what other people expected or wanted and lost sight of what i want to do with my life and time. and i think that happened because for awhile there, the two sets of dreams lined up. they matched. and so i didn't notice right away that my dreams were trying to change. or maybe i did and i got sad about it, resisted it. the death of a dream can be a painful thing.

but it isn't a bad thing. hard, but not bad. and it's actually quite freeing to get to a place in life where trusting my instincts is the right thing to do. to have the ability to trust them is wonderful. a whole new way of seeing comes in to play and i begin to trust myself and trust the work in a deeper way. fearlessness breeds fearlessness. confidence breeds confidence. i feel better and better. i'm being myself. i'm opening up. i'm experiencing a tremendous wealth of new ideas, new interests. and this gives rise to new dreams. amended dreams. some dreams just needed a bit of a tweak and that's happening now.

and reading has been such a large part of that. reading widely, not just sticking to what i know. i actively search for new material, new ideas, contemporary authors and poets and bloggers. and writing every morning in my notebook. first thing. first cup of coffee and the pen in my hand. that practice has been going on for about 2 years now and it has made all the difference.

so today, i'll be mindful of these things. read and write and go jogging with my dog. the sun is up and the sky is dry. i'll do the grunt work and get a healthy sweat going and i will trust that all these things matter because they DO make my life so much better. and i won't worry about a damn thing.

happy friday. ;)

rest.

my brain is mush. i spent pretty much all day writing yesterday and i am burned down to a stump as a result. lethargic in almost a cold way... and so i'm priming canvas. work work. and oddly enough it makes me miss my oils. the scent of them. maybe it isn't the material that i feel loathsome toward but the image itself? i know i was trying to force it in a direction it didn't want to go, and me with it.

the grunt work is cleansing though. the aching shoulder muscle. the pains of progress. ha! and possibly a nice long break from technology today. i need the outside air and commonplace objects and regularity today. the "regular" of the world outside.

of Images, my Roland says-

"In the amorous realm, the most painful wounds are inflicted more often by what one sees than by what one knows.


4. What wounds me are the forms of the relations, it's images; or rather, what others call form I experience as force. The image - as the example for the obsessive - is the thing itself. The lover is thus an artist; and his world is in fact a world reversed, since in it each image is its own end (nothing beyond the image)."


perhaps i need a little break from all the images today?