in reference to all that needs to be referenced

i am not interested in spelling anything out or defining a fucking thing.

the meaning i make is my own. the meaning you make is your own. if the meaning you make comes from the meaning i make then our meanings are siblings. sometimes they will love each other. sometimes they will pull each other's hair. sometimes they will grow to become sworn enemies. the cycle is the cycle and as i proceed i see that reason fails. reason fails but the effort toward it is noble, as is the effort toward passion.

these are observations.

the year is winding down.

today on the train i started reading my diary from a year ago. it is absolutely amazing and glaring how different i am today than i was a year ago. a parent burned to ash will do that to you.

so much has changed. so much has remained the same. so much needs to take root and so much needs to be rooted out.

you have no idea how badly i want to caress the side of your face. my cold hand aches to move gently against your warm cheek.

"cold hands, warm heart" becca reminds me.