these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.


my artist website is here.

Mar 30, 2015

Beginning...

Strange to be laying here like this, staring at the ceiling, hardly able to move, and thinking of the plane I am supposed to get on the day after tomorrow. I didn't think I'd pushed myself too hard but I guess I did. I'm trying to not let my disappointment get the better of me... The cancelled dinner plans, the people I am unable to go see, the hours I must spend in bed.  I'm trying to just breath, just relax, just feel gratitude for this day, despite pain, and recognize my great luck in this world. For however rough the start, the adventure has begun. It is here.

Freya dropped off a huge suitcase on wheels to me this morning. Annie is on her way to fold my remaining clothes in to it.  Brian shipped boxes of my art to my sister this afternoon.  The bathroom still needs to be cleaned and a box of odds and ends needs to be set out on the curb, but the bulk of the work is done.  I must find a way to relax. I must let go of disappointment and tell my body that I love it. I must care for it. I must stop the chorus in my head that goes on and on about how horrible this is. I must be bright. The future is wide open.

If I was in a better physical state right now I'd be feeling quite sentimental.  I'd want to take pictures of the sky. I'd want to write dreamily in my diary of all my hopes and wishes for the road ahead. I'd write about watching clouds being cut by an airplane's wing and hearing sad trumpets weep in New Orleans. I'd spent a bit of time tearing down my large sheets of Rives BFK and wondering what I might draw during this great voyage across the United States...

I can wonder and I can be excited for the adventure ahead. Though I must be gentle with myself, I can still experience my absolute exhilaration about embarking on a path I've yearned for for so long. I can be strong in other ways today.

7 comments:

Radish King said...

Thinking of you this morning your epic adventure. Godspeed dear friend.
Love
Rebecca

Bluejay Young said...

Dear Angela, I hope you are settling in your new place and life & feeling better. The show looked great. I have never forgotten your encounters with Elsie. I come back here now and then. I have put some photos on the Elsie page on Wikipedia. I've got some material from the Chicago American, but waiting to get a bit more before I add it. Sure hope your back gets better (I hope mine does too). I'll check back again. Good luck in your adventures!

Bluejay Young

P.C. Fergusson said...

I'm just a passerby, an occasional visitor, but I am drawn to your blog more than anything on the Internet. I love the way you write. I feel I am with you. I hope NYC (is that where you were headed?) is bringing you great gifts of art and insight.

angela simione said...

Your comment came just as I was writing in my diary this morning about what to do about my blog, the need to let it operate now as a bookend to my life in California, and wondering what might rise in its place. Thank you. This bit of encouragement came at exactly the right time. I plan to archive this blog and let it stand its ground, let the weeds grow tall over it but let the territory it has staked persist. I will write here shortly about where to find me next as my life in New York unfolds. The record must be kept. Always. :)

Thank you so much!!! ❤️

sMacThoughts said...

I have not visited the many blogs I follow in months or years, but have just started browsing through them. I wish you the best on your new adventure; may your guardian angels and those who have gone before you help you feel supported and protected - you are not alone. And also, you are a fantastic writer.

angela simione said...

Thank you so much!!! I almost started a new blog the other evening but want to be sure if a certain degree of dedication before I jump back in. It largely has to do with having so little free time right now that the free time I DO have is given over to my visual practice. Once my work schedule gets a bit less hectic, I'm looking forward to rejoining the blogosphere. Thank you so much for your support. You put such a huge smile on my face today! :D

angela simione said...

Thank you! My adventure is well under way! 2 months in New York and I feel like such a different person! It's incredible! I am so amazingly happy to be here and beginning a new chapter in my life. I will post an update here when I begin a new blog. I'm not sure when that will be but I look forward to it. All my best to you!