work work work

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in bed with my hook and mirror.  The Blanket of DOOM.  coming soon...

creation/destruction/creation

i am slowly re-acclimating to my daily life in California.  it helped to have two days off from work.  in between dealing with the rigmarole of a stolen car (stolen two months ago and then found the day i flew to new york) and the legal and financial headache that results from such an event, i walked around my neighborhood and took pictures. 

the light was beautiful this afternoon.  warm and yellow.  somewhat hopeful, somewhat sad.  i walked down Shattuck Ave and took pictures of graffiti.   i walked to Berkeley and took more pictures.  on film no less.  it feels romantic and poetic in the best way.  it'll be some weeks before i make it to the printers but it's exciting just the same.  it's been at least 5 years since i've had film developed.  there's just something about looking through that little window at the world.  in NY i didn't take many pictures at all.  i wanted to be entirely in the moment, each and every second.  i didn't want to be a spectator or documentarian, i wanted to be human.  i wanted to be alive and full of flaws.  i wanted to sweat and cuss and laugh and that's exactly what i did.  in fact, i haven't taken many pictures at all for the passed several years other than to document art.  i'm not sure where the urge to make photographs went or why it left me.  seeing the francesca woodman retrospective at SFMOMA at the beginning of the year woke up an old, hidden urge.  it woke up so many ignored desires.  it woke up a forgotten courage too.  

and i've been writing like crazy.  poems are spilling out of me again.  little snippets of prose, descriptions of memories, secret desires and the way smiles look in the dark. 

something has definitely changed within me.  i visited my tiny storage unit for the first time in close to 7 months.  everything inside seemed so foreign to me, distant, relics from a past life...  the objects of ghosts.    and when the wrecking crew came to collect my car this afternoon, i didn't remove the 7 year old art that was rolled up in the back seat.  i let it get wrecked along with the rest. 

clean slate.

love

i've been so in love with music again lately.  as if my entire life depends upon it.

it is a luscious feeling.

home...

it isn't that i've been sad lately, just feeling quiet. feeling still. going through the little that remains to be gone through- relics, nic-nacs, objects. it always wakes something up. always. but there are so few ghosts left this time around that it is a happy battle. the chaos i threw our home in to a week ago is almost reined in. i'm making myself go slow, putting things back or out the door thoughtfully. whenever i begin to feel anxious or overwhelmed by the task, i lug my canvasses outside and paint. today 3 big crows lined up on the driveway and watched. it was odd but comforting too and they were silent- no heckle and jeckle taunting as i pushed the oil round and round and stretched it out and out and out. now i am making myself a set of new potholders. yep. :) crocheted in the bastard stitch. black with a grey heart smack in the middle.