these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.
first ever video blog!!! i'm kinda nervous! and it shows in how much i fuck with my hair and smack my lips! but maybe that's just the vodka having its way with me. :)
Your laugh is the same. Exactly the same, as it always was. Man, that made me happy to hear it again. I could almost taste the rootbeer we used to share. Speaking of, I just wanted to point out that our mile in PE used to take 45 mins (some days, anyway), so don't feel too bad right now. Oh, where do I find this butt-sex blog entry?
Dunno why you are hurting, but I am also bound by some serious back-pain this week (arthritis & sacroiliac issues dammit mofo!) I know how socks on your own feet is an accomplishment. (Heh, akin to wiping your own butt or shaving down your special parts when you are 9 months pregnant - still worse with back problems.)
first things first: the butt-sex poem is the post below this one. it's just one small refernece to the act but still quite potent, i'd say. let me know it you think i should be more explict. ha!
oh man, i would absolutely accept the invitation to have a 45 minute rootbeer feelings/gossip mile with you! any day! are you in so cal?
and i didn't know you had a baby!!!! congratulations! that is such a crazy, unimaginable adventure! <3
How I yearn for a discussion partner to share the moments of life that can not be experienced (or perhaps evaluated) in a sober state. :D I am not in SoCal anymore. I was for years and am, intermittently. But alas, I have been a gypsy of sorts for the last 4 or 5 years (the kind that has a job and showers, tho) but I still find my way around the country and hopefully very soon, the globe. I am in Idaho now, visiting my dad who relocated from San Berdoo when he decided LA would be the locale of the Apocalypse, headed by Obama or at least the "Righteous Left". I never know where you are or I would have tried to see you last time I was in Redlands/Los Angeles. You are all over too, my friend!
i don't think of myself as being all over the place but maybe i am! especially this last year which has been so much fun. i'm up in the bay area. oakland. i very rarely make it to redlands these days. in fact, i haven't gone back much at all since moving out of redlands almost 8 years ago. i always hated living there, you know that. definitely a favorite topic of conversation when we were walking that leisurely mile! ha!
i have a bad habit of playing around online when i've been drinking so, despite the distance, we may in fact be able to succeed in enjoying a few less-than-sober conversations. ;)
i am *just* getting to the point where i can stand even being in Redlands again, but only to visit my mom. It's really depressing now, though. State street is all but boarded up and there's no Court Jester store in the "mall", so there's no reason to go there at all anymore. my mom always sends me current job posting for Pharaoh's, hahaha.... I tell her I would sooner hang myself than live there. she keeps saying how it's a great place to raise my son and i am like, uh... i grew up there and it's not... at all. In fact, no one I meet in any state had as much trouble with bullies as I did. if i believed in hell, i would call it Redlands.
Cheyenne's fiction novel is almost done and we're selling our rV to pay for publishing, etc, via Amazon. We'll also need the cash to travel around the country and promote it. i am a bit scared about not having a literal mobile apartment anymore...back to the tent! i guess we are eventually gonna have to 'settle" somewhere (ugh) and stay there. sO weird.
Anyway, wherever you are at the time (book release is sept. 13) I would love to stop by and hand you a signed copy for your reading pleasure (and if it makes us rich you can sell it on ebay). Where will you be then? i saw you bought tix for Berlin. is that for visiting or living? i don't think Berlin is on the book tour (yet) but if you are in the states I would love to see you. Also, hahaha, when I finally found you on FB, I got really toasted and wrote you a very sentimental letter. I look forward to seeing what i said and sharing it with you at some point. ;)
BTw, I finally saw your response because i Googled myself and this post is the first response that shows up in the Images section.
oh, and Ps- I am not copying your lack of capitalization. My shift key is half broken and I am feeling too lazy to clean it up. ;)
PPS - how is Andy? Did you know I had a crush on him? also, I never met Kelly, right? (hi kelly!)
cana, it's been a very long time since i've been back to redlands. the last few times i was there it was okay only because i knew i got leave again and come back home to oakland. strange how a town can breed such an absolute loathing and deal such deep wounds. i wouldn't say that i necessarily HATE the place anymore but i could never live there again. i hated in sooooooo much when we were growing up. i agree that it is an awful place to be raised. there is nothing for me there. never really was. i never felt "at home" there and always knew that something better for me and more true to who i actually am existed for me elsewhere. i moved and have never looked back.
how exciting for you both! i would love to read the book and see you! i should be back in oakland by then. my trip to berin is just the first of many. i'm planning to move to NYC by the end of the year but it'll take a few months to save the money i'll need to relocate once i get back from europe. i mean, i suppose there's a small chance i'll miss my flight back to the states ;) but most likely i'll remain responsible and attentive to my goal of living on Manhattan. the lower east side and the bowery simply stole my heart and i really do feel that i need to live there. even if for just a year. it's a gift and an opportunity i must find a way to give to myself.
hahaha! that's so funny about andy! i think all of my friends have had a crush on him at one time or another! i hope he reads this!!!! :D and kelly was in the same class as your younger brother so you may have met her briefly at some point, though i think you and i were at different schools by the time they met. i'll tell you... going to Orangewood spared me quite a bit of high school suffering and bullying and i am so grateful for that. those kids were fucking monsters. probably still are too. sad.
8 comments:
Your laugh is the same. Exactly the same, as it always was. Man, that made me happy to hear it again. I could almost taste the rootbeer we used to share. Speaking of, I just wanted to point out that our mile in PE used to take 45 mins (some days, anyway), so don't feel too bad right now. Oh, where do I find this butt-sex blog entry?
Dunno why you are hurting, but I am also bound by some serious back-pain this week (arthritis & sacroiliac issues dammit mofo!) I know how socks on your own feet is an accomplishment. (Heh, akin to wiping your own butt or shaving down your special parts when you are 9 months pregnant - still worse with back problems.)
hahahaha! CANA!!!! glad to see you here!!!
first things first: the butt-sex poem is the post below this one. it's just one small refernece to the act but still quite potent, i'd say. let me know it you think i should be more explict. ha!
oh man, i would absolutely accept the invitation to have a 45 minute rootbeer feelings/gossip mile with you! any day! are you in so cal?
and i didn't know you had a baby!!!! congratulations! that is such a crazy, unimaginable adventure! <3
p.s slipped disk. hell.
How I yearn for a discussion partner to share the moments of life that can not be experienced (or perhaps evaluated) in a sober state. :D I am not in SoCal anymore. I was for years and am, intermittently. But alas, I have been a gypsy of sorts for the last 4 or 5 years (the kind that has a job and showers, tho) but I still find my way around the country and hopefully very soon, the globe. I am in Idaho now, visiting my dad who relocated from San Berdoo when he decided LA would be the locale of the Apocalypse, headed by Obama or at least the "Righteous Left". I never know where you are or I would have tried to see you last time I was in Redlands/Los Angeles. You are all over too, my friend!
i don't think of myself as being all over the place but maybe i am! especially this last year which has been so much fun. i'm up in the bay area. oakland. i very rarely make it to redlands these days. in fact, i haven't gone back much at all since moving out of redlands almost 8 years ago. i always hated living there, you know that. definitely a favorite topic of conversation when we were walking that leisurely mile! ha!
i have a bad habit of playing around online when i've been drinking so, despite the distance, we may in fact be able to succeed in enjoying a few less-than-sober conversations. ;)
lol, Angela, who says that's a BAD habit? It seems pretty great to me!
i am *just* getting to the point where i can stand even being in Redlands again, but only to visit my mom. It's really depressing now, though. State street is all but boarded up and there's no Court Jester store in the "mall", so there's no reason to go there at all anymore. my mom always sends me current job posting for Pharaoh's, hahaha.... I tell her I would sooner hang myself than live there. she keeps saying how it's a great place to raise my son and i am like, uh... i grew up there and it's not... at all. In fact, no one I meet in any state had as much trouble with bullies as I did. if i believed in hell, i would call it Redlands.
Cheyenne's fiction novel is almost done and we're selling our rV to pay for publishing, etc, via Amazon. We'll also need the cash to travel around the country and promote it. i am a bit scared about not having a literal mobile apartment anymore...back to the tent! i guess we are eventually gonna have to 'settle" somewhere (ugh) and stay there. sO weird.
Anyway, wherever you are at the time (book release is sept. 13) I would love to stop by and hand you a signed copy for your reading pleasure (and if it makes us rich you can sell it on ebay). Where will you be then? i saw you bought tix for Berlin. is that for visiting or living? i don't think Berlin is on the book tour (yet) but if you are in the states I would love to see you. Also, hahaha, when I finally found you on FB, I got really toasted and wrote you a very sentimental letter. I look forward to seeing what i said and sharing it with you at some point. ;)
BTw, I finally saw your response because i Googled myself and this post is the first response that shows up in the Images section.
oh, and Ps- I am not copying your lack of capitalization. My shift key is half broken and I am feeling too lazy to clean it up. ;)
PPS - how is Andy? Did you know I had a crush on him? also, I never met Kelly, right? (hi kelly!)
cana, it's been a very long time since i've been back to redlands. the last few times i was there it was okay only because i knew i got leave again and come back home to oakland. strange how a town can breed such an absolute loathing and deal such deep wounds. i wouldn't say that i necessarily HATE the place anymore but i could never live there again. i hated in sooooooo much when we were growing up. i agree that it is an awful place to be raised. there is nothing for me there. never really was. i never felt "at home" there and always knew that something better for me and more true to who i actually am existed for me elsewhere. i moved and have never looked back.
how exciting for you both! i would love to read the book and see you! i should be back in oakland by then. my trip to berin is just the first of many. i'm planning to move to NYC by the end of the year but it'll take a few months to save the money i'll need to relocate once i get back from europe. i mean, i suppose there's a small chance i'll miss my flight back to the states ;) but most likely i'll remain responsible and attentive to my goal of living on Manhattan. the lower east side and the bowery simply stole my heart and i really do feel that i need to live there. even if for just a year. it's a gift and an opportunity i must find a way to give to myself.
hahaha! that's so funny about andy! i think all of my friends have had a crush on him at one time or another! i hope he reads this!!!! :D and kelly was in the same class as your younger brother so you may have met her briefly at some point, though i think you and i were at different schools by the time they met. i'll tell you... going to Orangewood spared me quite a bit of high school suffering and bullying and i am so grateful for that. those kids were fucking monsters. probably still are too. sad.
xoxo
angela
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