1. this is day 2 stuck at home. yesterday i was so exhausted i didn't do anything really but sleep and blow my nose. seriously. even walking down the hall to the bathroom exhausted me entirely. today, i have a bit more strength and am really hoping i'm over the worst of this, whatever this is. i have promised myself and others that i will show up for work tomorrow. my sinuses are so congested that i can't concentrate on reading or get any studying done. also, i am eating Popsicles like crazy. it is one of the few comforts i've found. that and looking at pictures of Katharina Fritsch's artwork. i want to runaway to germany and study under her. i'm serious. and maybe one day that could be a possibility. another year of german and i should be fluent enough to at least be able to find myself a meal and a roof. this grad school thing might need to happen sooner than later. i begin to feel the itch for serious critique and heavy theory and being immersed in art in a way that you just don't get many places outside of school. i want to hang out with other artists everyday and talk about art nerd stuff. i want to have all those conversations that other people roll their eyes over when eavesdropping. but before that, travel has become imperative. i've actually started putting money in my savings account.
2. repat says they all wanted to talk about death and i am no different. no different at all. last night i watched Little Women with winona ryder and susan sarandon and claire danes. and when the part came when beth (claire danes) was dying and she said "why does everyone always want to go away? i love being home. but i don't like being left behind... and now it is i who is going ahead", her eyes so full of tears in spite of her smile and she said "i can be brave too." i absolutely lost it. in my mind i saw my mom's face. the way she looked when i walked in to her room and the morphine was so heavy on her small frame. all i could she was her face and in my ear was this voice saying "now it is i who is going ahead".
i cried for a long time.
3. i found out my sweaters were accepted in to a show! yay!!! more about that in a few weeks when everything is official official but, for now, i'm happy to just ride high on this tide of support. that the sweaters are seen as ART by more people than just me and my friends is a wonderfully deep and meaningful encouragement. especially today as i feel so ill and defenseless, deflated, and weak. in so many ways it is an encouragement of who i am becoming... who i need to become and have been trying to become for awhile now. it is hard work following one's heart.
4.i read kate's blog and feel less alone.
8 comments:
Congratulations about the sweaters! Trust them and yourself.
Sorry to hear about the illness--I was sick last weekend. Take decongestant and sleep and listen to your body.
thanks, hannah! yes, since the very first sweater i've been telling myself "just trust this. just trust this for a little while." it's so easy to dismiss the work (even for me) because of its form but its form is exactly what makes it interesting! i'm so thankful for all the encouragement they've recieved. it amazes me and strengthens my resolve.
i'm on the upswing now from the sickness but still feel pretty tired and snuffy. this illness is also rather ill-timed as two people are out of town right now at work so we're already a bit short staffe. i'm going in today... we'll see if it proves to be a wise decision or utterly stupid soon enough. ugg.
On my way to teach RIGHT NOW (late) but I wanted to write FUCK YEAH about the sweaters and sorry you're sick little one.
love,
Rebecca
xoxoxoxo
and congrats!
rebecca,
thank you, my love! i'm feeling a bit better and am so excited that the sweaters will hang on the wall like paintings! ahahahaha!
keep an eye out for a postcard, sweet friend. ;)
jane! so good to see you! thank you!!!! :)
how are you feeling sicky? better? good vibes and miso soup to you.
thank you, sweetie. still fighting this thing. uggg. but i'll be good as new soon. long before your reading in SF for sure. :)
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