pity party in the bathroom





the little girl voice begins its refrain:
i just want everything to be okay.

on and on and i get sick.
the endless list of I deserve
tacked like a cataract to the insipid eye.
the stupid face
in the stupid mirror
in the goddamn bathroom
in the goddamn half-light.

the mirror is Collapse.
the sour shine of ridiculous dreams.
the little girl
clinging
tight, red faced,
to the shangri la of the un-had.

she begs: stick a diamond on me
so i'll know which one i am.

but the diamond fell.
went down the toilet tubes. my arm
went in after it, got stuck
in the stinking hole.

and ever since, just shit

glittering in my eye lashes,
freckled across my nose.