these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.


my artist website is here.

Mar 13, 2010

:)

i bought new pencils. the blackest they make. the 9 XXB. i am burning through their softness, burning them down to quick stumps. i am in the burning building in a way i haven't been in 2 years. a rapid firing and synapse. movement. that surge. it is addictive. it is such a big joy. such a large, free happiness to be working working working and not worry too much about where the drawings will end up. i'm tired of worrying about the future the way i've been taught to worry about the future. i don't care about the time-lines others say are right. i don't care at all. i'll get there when i get there. or maybe i'll never get there. maybe i'll get side-tracked or maybe i'll decide i want a different thing than we're all taught to want. i've noticed that i'm at my peak performance, at my healthiest, most joyous, fiery state when i just let my practice run wild, run back and forth between all its personalities, and just play along with whomever or whatever shows its face on any given day.

i'm going to go make coffee and get in bed with a book and a drawing. i don't care it's still early. like andy warhol said- everything seems glamorous if you do it in bed.

9 comments:

Elisabeth said...

We all worry about the future, but it is a pointless exercise. We tend to worry about the future on the basis of the past but what happens ahead may not necessarily be as it was in the past, but still we worry about something we have little control over.

So as the song goes :'Don't worry, be happy.'

Marta Sanchez said...

I think I subconsciously have been moving to a conscious level living each day, and recognizing I don't have control over most things. Somedays that is easier than others. Ok glamour girl, I am imagining you propped up by pillows with steaming hot coffee and a black black black black pencil!

Marta Sanchez said...

I forgot, ok this pink piece and the untitled floating candle are my favorites : )

angela simione said...

elisabeth- such a good reminder! i am a definite victim sometimes of my own catastrophic thinking... convincing myself that if i don't make the exactly right decision today, the domino effect will set in and the whole thing i'm trying to build will come crashing down. it is no way to live. it is a HARD way to live and sucks the joy out of the simpliest things. at 29, i've finally learned how to start trusting my instincts and how to enjoy THIS DAY. it is a big big blessing. my gratitude swells and swells and swells.

angela simione said...

mart, yes! me too! finally learning that the amount of things i actually have control over is quite small. this is a good thing! i have less responsibilities and obligations than i thought i had... and such a wonderful freedom to trust my own goodness, my own core, and to stand on my values inspite of how others behave or what they expect. isn't it wonderful!

i really really like the pink ribbon too! there's just something about it. i should make another one HUGE! :) thank you!

sMacThoughts said...

I am interested in this pencil! And I am like you... normal timelines have never applied to me, so why should I even try to abide by them--I'd feel like a failure. No thank you. :)

angela simione said...

susan! yay! oh, the pencil is awesome! Kimberly makes it and it makes the best, blackest line. it's a big fat son of a gun too.

yes, the outside time-lines tell me i'm a failure too. all they do is suck away my self-esteem. i like my time-lines way better. :)

Elisabeth said...

Angela, at twenty nine, I think you are doing brilliantly. I don't know any other young women who are as lucid and talented as you and are also prepared to share their creative process, successes and struggles with others as you.

angela simione said...

elisabeth, thank you so much! sometimes i fear i am very behind the curve. slowly, i am realizing the damage i do by worrying that way is simply pointless and, slowly, i am learning how to curb it. i'm so glad that this strange document (the blog) is doing even the smallest amount of good. :) it gives me a confidence boost that is so very necessary. thank you for that!