i have a secret wish to just go ahead and get it over with and become the town freak. :)
i live in a small enough town that this could be accomplished quite literally overnight should i choose to give in to this desire...
or is it a need?
a need to just live as wide-open as possible...
a reclaiming of the self...
my self...
without any explanation or apology...
just me
little ol' me
(as fearless as i had been,
can i be that fearless now?)
my morning has been occupied by the strange pull of the flu and way too much coffee and back and forth between painting and writing, image and text, oil and graphite and ink, and poems poems POEMS, and feminist essays online- this is my rendition of wonderland, my underground. and i want to slip on my sequin shoes and my BIG black crow head necklace (yes, it IS as goth as you might imagine. ha!!!!) and go traipsing around in my glorious weirdness and smile at strangers and forget this damn flu and not attend to it at all but instead attend to these deep and good desires and needs. this necessary play-time. this necessity of self of exposure of honesty.
back and forth back and forth
this whirl.
good morning! feel happy! i am joyful. a breed of eager joy. i am smearing black oil and silver paint and smudging the graphite across the white and my ink flies and my notebook fills with drips and i write write write.
-
there is nothing to feel sorry for.
it is true i have a fever.
my eyes are red red red.
2 comments:
Fevers help hallucinations. Hallucinations can help your writing and take you to places you might never get to otherwise.
Still it might be better for you to get better soon. Past those red eyes, the sore throat, the hot and throbbing head, back to your usual healthy body and mind. It tends to feel better.
elisabeth-
oh, it's that the truth! it feels much much better to feel good, to be healthy and capable of much more than staying put.
i'm finding new ways of entertaining myself and "learning" while i'm sick. hahaha!
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