kiki smith has been keeping me good company. in between visits with my mom, i thumb through the color plates of her work and re-read the essays and interviews. she talks about trust... trusting the work, the way, the process enough to just make way for whatever dumb idea pops in to your head. it is bravery and insistence and a very poignant self awareness that does not include the barrier of shame.
i've been drawing dumb pictures of stars and, this morning over coffee, i drew a little Alice in a black dress and white apron under a night sky full of black stars. i wish i hadn't forgotten my camera but i did. and i suppose that'll make for a day of fun picture-taking when i get home so it's alright. i rather enjoy secrecy when it's imposed on me by technological limitations. i have no choice but to let the ideas bake and simmer and boil and scorch. there is a big value in that. there is a big value in the slowness of it, of getting off stage, in moving off to the side and finding a quiet bush to hide in...
i used to do that as a child. when i was a little girl i wanted to be a singer. more than anything i wanted to sing. but i was also painfully shy. i had a bush i'd hide in. way out of the way where no one went. we lived in an apartment complex then. my singing bush. my safe little green world full of scrapes and scratches and song.
here, this is what the drawings have become...
such an awesome closeness...
silent, unseen, soft.
black stars scratching their way out of me.
all glitter,
all hope.
8 comments:
You should make a little book of your images, and your words.... wonderful!
susan! :)
i've been wanting to make a book for awhile. i've been playing around a bit with form and content, just having fun. nothing all that cool yet. book-making is tough stuff. but one day soon, i hope. thank you for the vote of confidence!
little singing bush! i love it! i sang opera, well, i sang the jingle to the murphy's oil soap commercial in operatic fashion, in the bathroom which had a 12ft. ceiling. the echo was phenom! it drove my mother insane. she would beg me, after 20 to 30 refrains, to stop. good times. i've been looking into kiki smith more and more. watching little videos and reading and looking. it's very emotional for me somehow. she makes it okay, doesn't she. i make more sense to myself after listening to her. so thanks for posting her on the shape of secrets. it helps alot.
bathroom singing is the ultimate singing! especially for opera! hahahahaha!
i'm so happy you like kiki smith's work (and words). she makes human-ness okay. every frailty has some beauty in it. i'm glad to be spending so much time with her work lately... somehow it gets me deeper in to my own corners, places i rarely go or have forgotten about. i'm so happy you've been struck by her. :)
There are many ways to sing, and many ways to have your voice heard.
Keep going song bird.
you put such a big smile on my face, elisabeth. a tearful smile full of thankfulness.
thank you. :)
I always wanted to sing too Angela especially when I was a little girl and as a teenager.
I think I'll have to check out more Kiki Smith I love how your writing about trusting the process, I want more of that this year, challenge the shame
"challenge the shame"
yes, sweet girl. definitely. it is a horrible feaaling in regard to one's own work. horrible. i wrestled with that one for YEARS. kiki smith's work contains such a large element of playful exploration and imagination that i am just floored by it- her high level of trust for the work itself. such a tremendous value. my life changed when i first saw her work. my whole perception of art (and life) in general shifted. for the much much MUCH better. ;)
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