today...

we woke up far too early. didn't drink nearly enough coffee. went on another house hunt. found out the house we like is beetle infested and needs a new roof. that's a big fat NO. i wore my 'i love you but' banner all around, everywhere we went, and a few people commented they liked it. bounce in my step. and then also the realization that finding a home takes a lot of luck and just the right timing. we've resigned ourselves to the NO FUN fact that it will be awhile. and so i'll go ahead and get new curtains. we need them. our little warm threadbare abode.

and so i ordered a pizza and plan to make it an early night. i want to go back and write in my notebook, curl up, feel safe, be warm, be held. ink. black scratch scratch scratch. little heart-sick masochist. little dreamy-eyed woman. little little me, far out in the dark of our forest highway. far away from old dreams and old hurts. feeling safe again these days... and quiet. very quiet. and a big need to move slow for a little while longer.