Nov 17, 2009
long slow breath out...
my optimism is here. it's alive but it's quiet. curled up. small. a child hiding under the bed. confusion feels like hatred sometimes. hatred for the world. its rhythm. its mode. that chaos spinning spinning spinning and make no bones about it- there will be no answer when you ask why. hardness. and last night i crawled in to bed an hour late and laid awake a long long time. my heart, sick. so sick in my heart, so sad, i felt like i might puke right there. i laid on my stomach and shoved a pillow under it. pressed my intestines inward and shut them up. shut them down. went to sleep finally. and got up at 5:40 this morning. made coffee. remembered i have a dentist appointment this morning. no jog til evening. i look for comfort in the small corners. i am finding some. a little. a little.
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4 comments:
I have a knot in my stommy reading this. I feel for you. So sorry you are going through this, and this feeling.
thank you, sweet woman. i will be praying a lot and leaning on good things. she is smiling and she feels good. she has notoriously high spirits in general. :) it is a great strength in her.
I'm listening to you .... while I read Angela, I have a load of chaotic confusion in my own life as well. Just thinking about you <3
thank you, heather. (((hug)))
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