ahhhhh...

we left at 8pm last night. i didn't want to wake up anywhere other than my own home. i didn't want to wake up to anything other than my beloved vineyard. i didn't want to fall asleep anywhere other than my own big, warm, ridiculously soft bed. and my sweetie seconded that emotion so off we went, in the dark dark dark, twisting up to the straight arrow of the 5 freeway. i dumped a whole bunch of horrible gas-station coffee in my stomach, thick from cooking on the burner all day, but it had the taste of salvation in it- the taste of leaving, forever, one's home-town. i don't think i'll ever go back. that was the last one. there won't be any more reasons. none. and that is a good and welcome cause for celebration and gratitude. the charm that once existed there is gone. bulldozed down just like the endless orange groves. it has been engulfed by the never ending strip mall that is southern california. brown, grey, trash, peeling paint, billboards for strip clubs, and not one single smiling face. we got stared at a lot. my mom said it was because of our smiling. no one smiles in southern california. i noticed that when i lived there before i'd ever even been anywhere else. no one smiles. no one but me and mine. and so the word of the day was "out". get out as fast as you can. and so off we went and rolled up to our front door at 4:30 this morning. 32 degrees but the warmest, most welcoming sight- our little cottage, the vineyard leaves, still and green and shining, and our enormous bed waiting. my mama got on a plane back to her mountain home this morning. back to her green, her deer, her roses, her man. she is smiling, always smiling. and me too. this is a great comfort. everything will be okay, whatever "everything" is.