blah...

to be perfectly honest, i'm not having a good day. i slept-in, which sets a bad pace, and leaves me with a constant feeling of trying to catch up to where i would have been had i got up on time. i actually did get up at the right time to put the coffee on and then i headed on back to bed to snooze for 10 minutes while the coffee brewed. i do this every morning and every morning i get back out of bed when that delicious aroma of freshly brewed coffee sneaks in to my room. but today, that lovely aroma must have taken a grand detour somewhere else because when i opened my eyes it was an hour and a half later. i woke feeling like i had fucked-up, somehow dropped the ball, and will spend the rest of the hours of this october 8th trying to make up for it. i have a bad tendency to beat myself up like this over stupid, insignificant things. i mean, it's really not that big of a deal. but i think my bad day actually started yesterday. somewhere around lunch time i began feeling pretty grey. not blue... grey. and i had some success ignoring this feeling but by the time i got home last night from my secret meeting, i was pretty well out of sorts. there are strange hassles to be dealt with that i'm not sure how to deal with. i'm always nervous about saying the wrong thing, expressing myself inaccurately, leaving another person with the wrong impression or somehow hurting their feelings. this is me as a little girl. this is me on a bad day- total reversion to "little girl". and i don't like it. but i'm sitting here in footie pajamas and eating a bowl of honey-nut Cheerios. i even look like a little girl right now. silliness. some days it's just hard to get it together. some days just start on an odd, unexpected note. today is one of those days...