calm...

while i was in the city last week, i had a really wonderful conversation with a person from my gallery. she was very attentive and patient and listened to me go on and on about the things i'm wrestling with- career blah, blah, blahs that, in the end, seemed a bit silly. she validated all my concerns but also let me know that i think a bit too much sometimes- a bad habit of mine that i had hoped gone unnoticed. ha! but it's good that it hasn't because hearing it from someone who cares about me, cares about my career, and cares about my general well-being really worked to relax me... put the brakes on my anxieties and bring me back down to earth. if this is my life's work, what's the rush? and she's right. 'nail on the head' right. and now that it's been a couple of days and i'm back to my normal schedule of painting and jogging, i feel clear and calm. the work has been and always will be the most important thing. i get ahead of myself sometimes... get all bent out of shape about things that, when it comes right down to it, are really just ego-strokers anyway. and i'm not in this for that reason. what matters most to me is that people have an honest, heart-felt experience with the work... even if it's a reactionary experience or one of disgust. almost any reaction is good so long as it isn't boredom. :) and that experience will happen as long as i am honest and heart-felt in the studio. my strange anxiety the other day about being too far from the city has been calmed. i'm lucky to live where i do- wide open fields to run through that are always in bloom... a different flower taking over each month... a place that's spread out enough to be LOUD at night and have it be alright... a place where all the stars come out and it's quiet enough to think and sing and get silly without feeling any embarrassment at all.

i need to send a thank you letter her way.