these texts are an archive of my life in the San Francisco Bay Area from march 2007 - march 2015. it stands as a record of close to a decade of my life, charting the struggles i faced as an artist, daughter, and lover. messy and chaotic at times, eloquent and poetic at others, these texts are an index i am proud of. it was here in this electric box that i learned how to be honest about my experiences and the person i needed to become. it was here that i first learned the truism that words make the world and how to trust such a beautiful, rife, hard fact.

thank you for meeting me here in such tall grass.


my artist website is here.

Jun 26, 2009

hope...

maybe the work can teach me what forgiveness is.

2 comments:

Heather Jerdee said...

I have hope for that with some of my work too. Last winter I painted a self portrait with a tongue that had a black bow around it, a little bit after I came across your etsy site and you have written something about our secrets wrapped with up black bows or something like that, anyways I knew right then I'd feel a connection to your work.:)

I have my family to forgive for so many things and someone in my family who was abusive to me when I was younger. Betrayal whether it is family or a trusted friend is such a humongous issue to work through. I think personally we live in a culture, society that wants everything and everyone to be in it's box way, way too much and emotions if we are honest don't work like that and not everyone wants to be honest about their emotions. I grew up in household where that was looked down on, sweep everything under the rug. And yes I think grief is so individual too and can hit us or blindside us at all sorts of different times. Sometimes even when we think we're farther through an issue something will trigger us to show we still have emotions to sort through let go of ect... It's the tearing off that damn scab that is so hard but I think it needs to happen when we are ready to learn a little more, grow a little more, gain a little more compassion, a little more empathy.
And it is hard to not feel guilty about being angry with someones past actions that hurt us especially if those actions were never acknowledged. I have a really hard time with that, I think working through the anger is part of the healing too again when we are ready. I found this site The Forgiveness Projecthttp://www.theforgivenessproject.com/ through another blog and the stories these people tell are incredibly heart moving. Sometimes relating to other people helps those wheels turn in my head in a way I haven't thought of or in a direction I need to start looking. Anyways your not alone Angela, I've had similar discussions with a few other women recently and we're all searching and hoping :)

angela simione said...

thank you so much for this, heather. thank you. i know about that black bow around the tongue too. i come from the same family- look the other way and never say anything impolite and never deal with the horrors that live in the background. i suppose it's a common story... sadly.

and my work is (supposed to be) about finding a common ground, a way to build something beautiful inspite of the damage... even OUT of the damage if it can be. and i guess that's where the conundrum came in... my own frailties glaring.

you are right- my scab has been ripped off. i just want to be better. i want to be a good person.

your words have kept my hope safe.

thank you.

i'd love to see that portrait.