just in the door: met a very sweet and interesting woman tonight and she told me all about her love affair- 20 years in the making and the best lover she's ever known... and all while she's married to someone else.
it's strange... listening to all the reasons a marriage falls apart. alcoholism usually finds it's way in to the story (it's more prevalent than we americans like to admit)... and verbal and mental abuse of every variety and scale... and absence... and the friends that always came first or the job or the dream or anything one can put ahead of their spouse. i make no judgement. after a certain amount of time, no one is blameless. we've all got a claim to an equal share of the shit, the fault, the fuck-up. i watched her eyes light up when she talked about the re-birth of her libido, her growing confidence, and finally feeling beautiful and appreciated... "he makes time for me", she said and it broke my heart. it broke my heart right in half. i remember how special a thing that small act seemed to me too when i first met my sweetheart because i had grown so accustomed to it's opposite. i remember. i remember sweet lady. i know. i know. but i'll never know the far corner of your heart where all the hurt and secrets and dreams reside that you once shared with your husband.... i'll never know what has really transpired between them...
i come home happy, to a man sleeping safely and virtuously in our shared bed and i can watch his eyes move beneath the lids and kiss his hands without disturbing him one bit. i can curl up next to him and know, confidently, we have never hurt each other on purpose and never ever would. i can curl up next to him and know that any hurt we have caused one another has been minimal at best, that respect is necessary in order to have love, and that courtesy and compassion can carry a union through the extremes...
my heart longs for you to be happy, sweet lady.
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