ahhh...

still knee deep in my cleaning/weeding/sorting/discerning/discarding extravaganza but i'm sufficiently stocked up on coffee and managing to hold on to the initial inspiration that jump started this whirlwind of change and renewal.

today i took it a bit easier than i had the last few days and made time for painting and drawing. i finished another big gulp painting and will be taking two of those little sweeties to jen at SF Studio tomorrow afternoon for the march exhibition "Delicious". i'm so thrilled that people like those funny little paintings! yay!

and i started a sketch book - something i have tried and failed at many a time. this time around, it isn't just for quick sketches, notes, and doodles. i'm taping in old postcards from art shows i saw and admired, bits of poetry, scraps torn out of newspapers and magazines, and some real honest to goodness painting as well. i figured if i jammed all my little tokens of inspiration in to one place, it'd not only help me control the chaos that is my studio, but also become an extremely useful tool in terms of reference and ideas. i'm tired of losing good ideas because i don't have a space to store them. my neurotic, obsessive mind isn't good for that. :)

i've also made a huge pile of old artwork that needs to be gotten rid of. it's mostly stuff from the early years of studying art and really, really bad. some i'll keep because it's always good to hold on to a few pieces from a different time in life (to laugh at, at least), but i've saved way too much old art and i simply don't have the space for it all. and, back to the ritualistic outlook of this cleaning spree, i don't want the past following me around quite so closely anymore.

i'm an entirely different person than i was 4 years ago when i first moved to the Bay Area. i mean, i still laugh at farts and tell off-color jokes and have a wardrobe dominated by the color black. i still have my romantic fixation with broken, rusted objects and used books and hand-made sweaters. i still talk people's ears off and stay up way too late and drink way too much caffeine. but i've also got a much deeper set of ethics than i had before moving here and going to CCA. i've got a much stronger sense of self, a clearer idea of right and wrong (as it applies to my own life, anyway), and a much more forgiving, patient, compassionate demeanor. i've grown up alot and i suppose i just feel like it's time to let this new person flourish, not crowd her with relics from the past. i even threw out some old journals! GASP! it just wasn't worth waking up old ghosts to find snippets of good writing. so... in the recycle bin they went and, hopefully, their next incarnation will be much brighter and happier than their life with me was during those years.

as for today, i am feeling great. i feel positive and capable and happy. inga (my dog) and i have still been pretty diligent about going for jogs and hikes. we never miss more than a day at a time and those missed days are becoming fewer and fewer. i feel healthy and strong again. life is good.