there is never going to be enough time.
i am trying to accept that fact.
it's a hard one.
...
i don't want anything from you.
i want everything from you.
i want to not be afraid of anything at all.
fake bravery is something i am very good at.
i wish i was as good at making art as i am at making fake bravery.
part of me is so desperately in love with jean genet's work that i want to go live in my car. some days i actually have to talk myself out of going and doing just that. i research artist residencies instead and study german grammar.
i bought a t-shirt that says DON'T GIVE UP on the front. i love it because that's exactly what i tell myself almost every day.
you don't give up either.
there is that part of me that still kicks and screams. there is that little girl who used to lay herself down on her mama's lap and her mama would scratch her back softly. there is a part of me who is still that little girl, still looking for that same deep level of safety and warmth. i don't think it lives anywhere else. that safety is gone forever. i don't give a shit if other people think i am sentimental. they obviously don't think about their own death very much. and they should because it's coming.
.